Stoners Like Coffee

Stoners Like CoffeeSometimes you’ll see a stoner reach for a cup of coffee in the morning before they actually reach for a bong. True, it’s rare…and we’ve never actually witnessed it or nothing, but it’s said to have  to happened. Yep, it’s no surprise… stoners like to wake and bake! And, like syrup on waffles, nothing goes better with that morning bong rip like a cup of coffee.

Coffee fools those who regularly rise with red eyes into thinking that the caffeine counters that lazying affect of marijuana. It’s known world-wide in stoner circles from Amsterdam to Oaksterdam as the Hippie Speedball. Now, we’ve never actually witnessed a stoner take a bong rip, sip some coffee, and then run a fucking marathon or anything, but it could happen and shit. Something about that kick of caffeine makes a true stoner feel more motivated. Feel is the key word here. You know that jittery feeling ya get after about 16 gallons of Java? Yeah, well, that’s motivation.

More often than not a stoner will drink their coffee jet black. Not because they like it that way, dude,  it’s just that adding milk, or cream, or sugar, or bongwater or whatever…takes motivation…not to mention time, man. You don’t see stoners fussing over all those li’l additions, ya know. You’ll never catch stoners fucking with cinnamon shakers or li’l packets of hazelnut Coffee-Mate bullshit. They get used to that plain ol’ stock flavor of coffee just for the sake of laziness, man. And, well because stoners are really into instant gratification; grab cup, pour, sip…instant gratification.



Stoners like to participate in rituals and preparing coffee is a ritual akin to packing a good bowl. To stoners, it’s the daily grind (pun intended) that’s as attractive as the caffeine surge, really. Stoners are really way into the little methodical routines of their habit and coffee provides a legal way to indulge in such ceremonial practices. Ever watch a stoner roll a joint (How ’bout Pamela Anderson roll a J topless on a boat in front of Tommy Lee)? Well, Stuff Stoners Like have watched plenty motherfuckers roll joints. And, the common denominator is STONERS get way super into that joint-rollin’ shit, man. They take that shit seriously, dude. It’s a form of pride. So why would it be any different when it comes to brewing coffee with all the roasting and grinding of beans, filling up li’l paper cones, etc…

Most stoners brew their stimulant at home. Why? Well, stoners aren’t paying $5 for a fucking cup of Starbucks coffee, you see, when they can just make it at home. Same theory applies for growing your own weed. Why buy when you can multiply? So paying exorbitant amounts of cashola for something you can make yourself is just not the stoner way. Who needs a gourmet caramel-half-caf-double-skinny, latte when you’re in the mood for a caffeine jolt, a bong hit, and some Cheez-Its for breakfast, anyhow?



31 Responses to “Stoners Like Coffee”

  1. Baschive

    not true

  2. Wheeler

    I couldn’t agree more. On the days I wake and bake there is nothing I love more than to make myself a cup of coffee. It just makes me feel more active, ready to take on the day full steam.

  3. Amanduh

    Exactly! Except I mess with the creamer. I just get the flavored kind… Makes me wanna!

  4. Anonymous

    im jus sayin not all stoners like coffee i think its ok myself but seldom drink it

  5. Anonymous

    haha idk about ya’ll but if i made some coffee when i’m stoned it would be the best coffee you’ve ever tasted hahah

  6. Medical Cannabis of the Rockies

    Love the article. I relate big time. But I have to disagree with some of it. Let me explain. I am a Cannabis patient and I smoke all day everyday of the finest. As well as the finest coffee every morning. I am very picky, ask my wife. I am very particular about the kind of cream and sweetener I use also. Java brand coffee, very strong. Seattle Blend or French Roast mainly with Coffee Mate French Vanilla creamer. 3 cups a day and bong load or a bowl usually with 2nd cup. I also have an 8 month old I get up with every morning so his needs come before any of this. The coffee, I have learned, is working for circulation in my hips which is were most of my issues are, so both Cannabis and Java Coffee are a must daily. Last but not least Sativas are best for this since Indica’s are so sedating, its almost pointless.

  7. Anonymous

    nah, pot and tea are the way to go IMO

  8. xzek

    i use crystal meth as my creamer

  9. Ripper

    This one and the one about blowing the rings are probably the most true. My rings are perfect!

  10. Justin Sluss

    I don’t think it’s safe to say the #1 thing that ALL stoners like is coffee. I’d say it’s MARIJUANA or the idea of legalizing MARIJUANA. Be realistic “DUDE”!

  11. benbenbenben

    i want a cup of coffee

  12. TheWalrus

    coffees goooood

  13. Ryan

    That is so true. I have such a ritual of doing that. Every morning is the best part of the day. Yes, the coffee b;ack is the way to roll!

  14. MAC

    I’ll take a strong cup of coffee in the mornin, but the weed will just burn me out. I’d rather eat weed at night when all is right.

  15. MAC

    Hey Justin, I think that weed is implied and or understood to be #1 here. Coffee would be #1 other than weed. Without weed there IS no stoner.

  16. kemo

    sounds like some steriotypical bull shit to me

  17. Ashlehn

    well, not all stoners like coffee. but i personally enjoy a nice irish blend monster java. its pretty dank. but dont stereo-type us, we’re people like everyone else. we enjoy our weed like adam sandler enjoys comedy, its a way of life, and everyone’s different. dont judge. 😉

  18. dankhank

    I was in SF last week and found a starbucks … OK, it was in Mill Valley. It advertised as a ATT wifi hotspot and I was Jonsein’ for some time online, so I stopped.
    As I have ATT at home, hooking up there is free, so I went in for my very first visit. You can get a cup of coffee in a Starbucks for 2 dollars, and this is true for most of the coffeeshops. I just ask for the brew of the day. so, don’t be wary of Starbucks, just order from the top of the menu. 🙂

  19. DR0girl

    so not true! i smoke a few bowls every day on my way to school and stop and get starbucks..talk about a jolt? a 6-shot espresso drink will get you up in the AM

  20. Baschive

    im jus sayin that not all stoners drink coffee, i think its ok, but i don’t really drink it.

  21. david

    hey get used to that plain ol’ stock flavor of coffee just for the sake of laziness, man

    So true screw all that stuff

  22. Oil Paintings Sale

    I go to your website every erstwhile in a spell and I right somebody to say that I equal your template!

  23. DTLA

    I take a hit and drink an espresso before my morning runs on the weekends. Lately I’ve been running 16 milers at an okay clip.

  24. Why You Should Stop Smoking Weed

    I guess weed and caffeine have a syndergistic quality – like milk and cookies.

  25. JSCA714

    My daily routine goes like this.
    I wake up and head to the freezing living room. (too poor to have any heat).

    Depending on how I feel, I may go and sit on the couch and pack a bowl or I will go and grab a cup of coffee that was auto-brewed a half hour earlier (I hate waiting for coffee to brew).

    If I packed a bowl first, then I will go and grab a cup of coffee before I take a bong rip otherwise I will go ahead and pack the bowl in preparation for my first hit and sip of coffee.

    I sit and chill sipping my coffee and burning a couple of bowls for about 10 to 15 minutes.

    I hit the showers and get ready for work

    I suffer through work

    I head home and smoke a bowl as soon as I get through the door after I say Hi and pet my cat.

    I do my own crap until its about bed time. Obviously smoking throughout the night.

    I will then prepare my coffee for the morning. brew time at 6am. I will then smoke my last bowl for the night and go to bed.

    Cycle continues the next day unless its the weekend. 😉

  26. Dispensary Reviews

    I like drinking my coffee black, because well, I actually like the taste of coffee as is. Laziness doesn’t enter the equation.

  27. Dispensary Reviews

    Well, maybe sometimes.

  28. Quincy Thompson

    that expalins this coffee pot in my room:D

  29. Nathaniel Alvarado

    Actually I like my coffee with chocolate caramel creamer :d Just because you don’t have to add anything doesn’t mean you shouldnt 😉

  30. Astro

    I love coffee.
    I buy beans raw and roast them myself, grind & brew. Organic, fair trade, the most delightful i’ve ever tasted and only $5 a pound– not a cup (several).
    But too much caffeine can make me antsy– bong.

  31. I.C. Upton

    YES. Man maybe 3 or 4 months ago I had the HIPPIE SPEEDBALL down to a beautiful tangible art. I could get that right euphoric feeling every time. Coffee and weed, gonna get on that shit tomorrow…..again.

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