Here at Suff Stoners Like we aim to please, man. Several stoners have written in touting Doritos as the ultimate stoner munchy. So…who are we not to investigate, right?
So we decided to test that theory. And, well it’s true…stoners do love those fucking Doritos, man. It’s almost like the quintessential stoner snack. Walk into a stoner’s pad and you’ll surely see an episode of the Price Is Right on the TV and a half-full bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos on the coffee table.
We visited 1000 homes of known stoners and at every single place we found Doritos. Some of them stoners were outta weed, but they weren’t outta Doritos. In fact, maybe that shit substitutes for weed? Because they’re fucking addictive, man…like Krispy Kremes to a fat kid they’re freakin’ irresistible. In fact that powder coatin’ ’em is pro’lly Smokin’ Cheddar BBQ-flavored keef, we bet you. If you smoked that shit…you’d get super hi.
In fact they make Doritos specifically for stoners, man. You’ve heard of Baked Doritos, right? That shit ain’t no pun, dude…that shit’s subliminal marketing. Baked? Well, then..eat some Baked Doritos! And, some of those fucking flavors couldn’t have been conceived by someone who wasn’t stoned. Give us a break, dude. Who the fuck would come up with the idea of Collision Doritos like Hot Wings/Blue Cheese, Zesty Taco/Chipotle Ranch, and Pizza Cravers/Ranch, but a STONER! We mean a pregnant chick wouldn’t even crave that shit, right?
So ya know…it’s true. Doritos just might be the ultimate stoner munchy food item. And, why not, they’re cheap, they’re readily available (theres pro’lly a bag of ’em sitting in your cupboard right now) and well, they’re purty fuckin’ tasty.
Dangers abounds, though. We can’t begin to tell you the amount of times we’ve seen joints stained orange from Doritos fingers! That orange powder shit gets all over the fucking place, dude. And, it’s fully bad etiquette to lick your fingers before you hit a J, so it’s got no other place to go than on the joint you are hittin’. But, maybe that’s the point? Some stoners might actually prefer their joints Spicy or Cool Ranch flavored. Or ya know, you could just rub off and collect all that Doritos kief from your fingers and process it into some sorta super-potent-ass Doritos hash and smoke it.
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22 Responses to “Stoners Like Doritos”
musicalgreen
Awesome article! My favorite is the Spicy Sweet Chili. Sooooo good!
fuckin shit man holy fuckin fuckin fuck!! FUCKIN FUCK FUCK FUCK
that shitty shits the shit fuckin shit shitty shit man shit i fuckin shit shitty doritos shit fuckin shit fuck shitty fucking fuck shit shitty
bud smoker
lol, yea the lil kid who wrote this article says shit alot…. probably cuz hes a little tiny kid… they say shit alot cuz they are so small
blacky chan
ha true bud smoker true my lil bro gets a sense of accomplishment when ever he says it
Grlbhvingbadly
Yessss!!!! Spicy Sweet Chili is awesome 🙂
Baschive
Doritos are delicious. but u know wat was good back in the day, anyone remember fuckin rolitos, they were the doritos rolled up.
Scar
Doritos are one of the best tasting but worst things you can possibly eat. If you check the ingredient list, you will notice they contain MSG in both visible and hidden forms (Monosodium Glutamate, hydrolyzed vegetable proteins, and autolyzed yeast extract).
MSG is classified as an excitotoxin by Dr. Russell Blaylock, who is a doctor, author, and expert on chemicals that damage the nervous system. MSG is well known to cause migraine headaches, seizures, and other nervous system disorders. Dr. Blaylock’s research also shows that MSG damages the endocrine system and causes obesity due to impaired appetite control regulation (causes you to be unable to stop eating).
Scar
P.S. And you thought it was the indo giving you those munchies!
Baschive
I think the blue cheese and hot wings mite be my favorite
Doritos.co.uk Cock Smokers
LOL, I want weed as good as yours, then. And a phonebook with as many stoners in it… 100?!
Anyway, Doritos are nice, but fucking suck for two, no THREE reasons:
1) The ridiculous use of MILK in non-cheese flavours. I’m allergic, and not alone in this. Other brands manage to taste badass without, but idiot shops don’t stock ’em.
2) Flavour Enhancer. Put this on a piece of cardboard with some salt and you’ll love it… True food requires an actual recipe.
3) The UK website sucks more cock than the combined whore population of the USA. Fuck it, the WORLD. It’s that bad. Ever heard of HTML instead of a 100% Flash site, guys? No? Then you should have enough practice in Flash to make it run properly, you pathetic wank-stain excuses for web developers!
My code will be as simple as: /rant 😉
Doritos.co.uk Cock Smokers
Oh, and I don’t normally bother with such useless sites as food products, but they had a lottery code on the back of the pack, so I checked (thank FUCK they didn’t make you register just to check). Their shitty code ‘worked’ again – the code wasn’t recognised. I’m an IT technician, I type codes all fucking day. It was entered right… Unlike the site’s programmers’ entry into each others arseholes instead of doing some successful work!
TheWalrus
thats true man
ben
my favorite doritos is cool ranch. they the shit! and they don’t make your fingers so orange
Bryan
MY favorite was the Taco Bell and Pizza Hut flavored Doritos too bad they dont make them anymore.
tony G
cunts
Sean
Those things are gross.
natalia
do you ranch
courtmney bable
doritos are so ggooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooddddddddddddddd
Jerry Sperry
I ranch, lol.. all the time.
LeBong James
I liked 3d doritos, wat ever happened to them?
Fooker
I used to literally live off of doritos and chocolate milk. Bring back Sonic Sour Cream!!
Health4All
Regardless of the flavor, doritos have a large amount of MSG i.e. monosodium glutamate in them. Though the FDA see’s no harms in it, it has been known to really fuck with people’s stomachs, intestines and even circulation and brains.
peace