Weekly Stoner Horoscope for August 21-27, 2017

Stoner Horoscope 8_21ARIES (March 21 – April 19)

Sometimes Aries you need to exercise complete emotional abandonment and say “what the fuck”. Live your life like a magic bus, rolling down the superhighway of life with wheels of fire and temptation. Your answer for any invitations to share some killer weed this week is, “what the fuck”. If somebody asks you if you want to take a drive without a destination your go to answer is “what the fuck”. Now is the time to experiment with anything you are curious about. Inhale much indica for that carefree, Easy Rider, feel and listen to the Who’s, “Magic Bus”, for some serious inspiration.

TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)

Damn Taurus! You got some serious astrological mojo pulsing from above right now. The heavens look like a disco ball reflecting all light and energy your way. The stars are perfectly aligned for happiness, satisfaction and ultimate nirvana for the next three weeks. Well, maybe not nirvana, but as close as you can get without being a Buddhist for thousands of years. So get your head ready for some greatness and keep it light with some sativa vapes. We are loving Select’s, Durban Poison, it is y-u-m-m-y and pesticide free. KC and the Sunshine Band should also be included in your playlist for a good dose of funky fun.

Select CartridgesGEMINI (May 21- June 20)

I can pinch loved ones with my toes. It’s a talent few have, fortunately for me and my close friends I have been blessed with it. What odd and strange talent do you have my enigma wrapped in a mystery twin? You are going to need some heavy purple indica (Select’s Grandaddy Purple is like no other) to let go and find your inner freak flag. When you do, and I know you will, don’t hold back. Let your inner freak wave high and proud because we are all a little freaky from time to time and we need to remind one another of this powerful common thread. Soundtrack for the week is a little obvious, but mandatory nevertheless – Gaga’s, “Born this Way”.



CANCER (June 21 – July 22)

Right now you are being inundated with opportunities to learn and grow. Try and be open to educating yourself in non-traditional manners. We don’t always know where or when the big lessons in life will come. However, it is in your wheelhouse to observe and remain open as your journey presents you with these little chances to expand who you think you are. Heavy, I know, that’s why you need some of Select’s, punch you in the face indica, Grandaddy Purple. This stuff is truly the grandaddy and will not lead you astray. Plus, you gotta listen to the Stones, “You Can’t Always Get What you Want”. It never gets old.

LEO (July 23- August 22)

The lion holds him or herself to very high standards of success and expects the same from his or her partner. Meaning, it’s not always easy being the partner of a lion or lioness. Now is a good time to show some empathy and compassion for the ones dearest to you. And, remember all their irritating, less than you ways, are just them being human. Meditate in the morning and evening with some heavy indica and put your headphones on to listen to some GNR, “November Rain”. That’s what it’s like to be your partner sometimes.

VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)

One of our favorite play writers, William Shakespeare, wrote the below in the 16th century. Smoke and/or vape indica hybrids this week and think about what Will or Bill if you know him really well like we do, was talking about. What age and/or stage are you in Virgo? Now is the time to ask yourself if you are where you want to be and if not how do you go about getting to your ultimate destination. Take a listen to some classical while you ponder Shakespeare, try Beethoven’s, Symphony #9 “Ode to Joy”.
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages.

princeLIBRA (September 23 – October 22)

August is typically not the month for spring cleaning, but for you it is. The next couple of weeks are all about you expunging and detoxing all negative and hurtful thoughts circulating in your brain. Go ahead and clean out your closets (emotional and physical) plus, vape some of Select’s OG Kush. The OG will serve you well by keeping the mood light and energetic. Also, plug into Prince and let the music guide you to the Purple Rain.

SCORPIO (October 23- November 21)

Teddy Roosevelt’s foreign policy was based on something he wrote to the Governor of New York in 1900, “I have always been fond of the West African proverb: “Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far.” I advise you Scorpio to heed Teddy’s favorite proverb. Speak real softly to your special loved one and carry a really big joint filled with your favorite indica hybrid. Be ready to give beefy joints to your loved one like a beautiful rose bouquet, but better. Now is not the time for any divisive ultimatums or aggressive gorilla like maneuvers. Keep it chill with some Barry White in the background. Let your loved one know she or he is your first, last and everything.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)

Stevie Wonder’s “Higher Ground” is not just a song with a heavy and funky wah pedal. Nor is it a stoner’s anthem to finding the ultimate high. The song is Stevie’s covenant with life. He is singing about his relationship to and with a higher power. Let the chorus be your mantra this week.
I’m so glad that he let me try it again
‘Cause my last time on earth I lived a whole world of sin
I’m so glad that I know more than I knew then
Gonna keep on tryin’
Till I reach my highest ground
Inhale big doses of a pure purple indica and ruminate on how you can reach your highest ground.

CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)

Goat you have a unique and rare opportunity this week to unleash the power of your imagination on the world. Right now the force is totally with you, but you need to shut out all other distractions. Mainly the kind that come from an electronic screen. Turn off the social media and let your mind wander to places you haven’t been brave enough to go yet. Think all things psychedelic, inhale some sizzling sativa and listen to Jefferson Airplane’s, “White Rabbit”, for some much needed inspiration.

AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)

What do Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Aniston, and Penelope Cruz have in common? Besides the obvious Brad Pitt, and all three have really great fucking hair, plus all three were born under the Aquarius birth sign? Most importantly for our lesson today, all three women rely heavily on their instinct to get them to where they want to go. This is your time to listen and tap into your instinctual nature and let the universe direct you to where you want to go. Inhale indica, indica, and some more indica. Along with a good listen to a favorite from the eighties, Scandal, “Warrior”. You are a warrior this week….And all will follow you, my stereo jungle child.

PISCES (February 19 – March 20)

It is the perfect time for you to reset and reload your energies. Take time off wherever and whenever you can. Meander through the next couple of weeks and don’t stress or worry about the usual stuff that clouds your head. Inhale sativa throughout the day to keep things up and lively. Focus on not doing anything if you can and listen to lots and lots of reggae, specifically, Ziggy Marley’s “Beach in Hawaii”.

PUFF, PUFF, PASS and be kind.

Written by stonedandstuff



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