Weekly Stoner Horoscope for October 16-22, 2017

NEW--hero STONER HOROSCOPE templateARIES (March 21 – April 19)

Fire has devastated California and we will be feeling the aftermath of it’s destruction for years to come. Right now it may feel like your world is on fire and out of control, however, now is not the time to make any life altering decisions. Just like the fires in California, your situation is headed towards containment and you will be able to rebuild and restore anything that has been lost. Avoid pushing for a resolution just because you want one and wait for your wave of opportunity after the smoke clears. Inhale some heavy CBD vapor throughout the day to keep things relaxed. Listen to a little GNR, ‘Patience’. If Axel Rose and calm down and sing a ballad then you too can exercise this coveted virtue.

TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)

If I could sum up your horoscope in one word this week it would be, collaboration. It’s all about collaboration and collaborating for the next couple of months. Keep your mind open to all different sorts of collaboration and don’t limit yourself by collaborating with only with those just like you. Now is the time for you to pull from different tribes of people to have the ultimate and maximum time here on earth. Inhale lots of indica dominant vapor in the evening and listen to a song from the master of collaboration, Quincy Jones with Ray Charles and Chaka Khan!.

GEMINI (May 21- June 20)

Time for you to graduate to a higher and more complex level of spiritual awareness. The planets are perfectly aligned for you to capitalize on growing and learning. Stretch your heart and soul out a bit by reaching for something a little more…kinda like a spiritual yoga class. Breathe in lots of vapor….I am loving Kushberry/Indica from Select, so sweet and tasty. And, listen to India Arie’s, ‘Just Do You’. Somebody has got to raise the bar….



CANCER (June 21 – July 22)

Stability and security on your mind? Guess what? Next couple of weeks will be all about making you feel secure. The universe is sending helpful clues that will give insight and clarity to giving you more of what you crave. Kinda like an astrological blanket ready to swaddle you to safety.

Inhale some sativa dominant vape in the morning and get your creative juices flowing. Think about what stability and security really mean to you and then take steps towards that direction. Listen and feel Etta Jame’s, ‘Security’. She could sing the ingredients of a ketchup bottle and make you cry.

LEO (July 23- August 22)

Leo, at times you are the living and breathing epitome of courage and compassion and this is one of those times. The astrological omens tell me you are in a bit of a ‘shit storm’, for lack of a better word, and you can’t escape the situation at hand. Therefore hold on real fucking tight to all that you know and believe you will navigate the excrement to find an oasis of love. Continue to be strong and know you have backup when you need a soft place to land. Lots and lots of heavy CBD flowers to coat your cannabinoids and your mantra is Journey’s, ‘Don’t Stop Believing’.

VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)

Sometimes Virgo, you tend to get caught up with problems that don’t affect you and yours. Maybe neglecting what truly needs attention at home? Just saying, now is the time to narrow your thinking and focus on those closest to you. Keep all your energies within your intimate circle and inhale three joints a day to keep an even balance to bounce from. Also, include some George Harrison in your playlist, ‘Be Here Now’.

LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)

Libra, all too often you don’t give yourself enough credit. Please create a top ten list titled, “How Great Am I”, and begin to detail all your greatness. Don’t hold back and think about what other people might say. It’s ok, you don’t have to show it to anybody, just keep it somewhere when you need a little reminder of the wonderful contribution you are. Inhale all that makes you feel good and listen to DJ Khaled and some of his friends for inspiration, ‘All I Do Is Win’.

SCORPIO (October 23- November 21)

Scorpio, you are a sexy motherfucker and will be until the day you die. Age ain’t nothing but a number, and image is what you make it. Don’t let the age of Kardashian taint your view of what you are supposed to look like. You are perfect right now, don’t change a thing and give tribute to all that is natural. Embrace exactly where you are right now and let yourself shine like the sun coming through on a cloudy day. Speaking of cloudy, keep your days cloudy with some purps and kush. Keep James Brown in your head, ‘Say it Loud I’m Black and I’m Proud’. This song changed a generation it will definitely give your week a boost.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)

High time Sag to look for ways to escape from the routine and monotony of life. Look for opportunities to wander and ruminate on what motivates you to wake up in the morning. Take long walks, sit underneath a tree, let your face feel the sun for a few minutes and try to remember what brings you joy and then do more of it. It’s okay to be happy and embrace all that it can bring. Relax, inhale indica, eat some CBD heavy edible and remember to enjoy. Listen to Nile Rodger’s Chic, ‘Good Times’, and let yourself go.

CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)

Sometimes, well actually, I think most of the time we don’t see our daily gifts in life. Most of us tend to focus on our own hurts, inconveniences and misfortunes. Right now is the perfect opportunity to warp speed yourself into spiritual productivity by looking for and seeing all that is positive. Completely disregard all negative thinking and actions. Make a concerted effort to change the way you perceive life and remember the universe is not trying to ruin you. The universe only wants you to expand your capacity to bring and share love. It’s all about the love for you this week and some vapor. Select’s GDP will help you get there. Check out this little diddy from Steven Universe.

AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)

It’s a pivotal time for you right now and your instinct may be telling you to run and hide. Don’t. Now is not the time to flee, postpone, or procrastinate. The only way for you to conquer what is creating turmoil and unrest is to face it head on. Kinda like Harry Potter and that three headed killer hound from hell, or kinda like paying your taxes. Either way you gotta face it and kill it or face it and pay it, or you will be fucked in the end. So, in order not to get fucked in the end face your demons and pay your taxes. Inhale whatever you can get your hands on and use Gaga’s, ‘Born This Way’, as your anthem.

PISCES (February 19 – March 20)

Very interesting times for you right now…the planetary alignments suggest your psychic or sensitive nature may be in overload right now. Images and symbols may be coming to you via your subconscious and you don’t know what to do or think. Don’t worry, they are there to help guide you and others through what might be a difficult time right now. Don’t be afraid and don’t think you are going crazy. Keep things cloudy with some indica dominant flowers and use a little ‘DreamWeaver’ for inspiration.

PUFF, PUFF, PASS and be kind.



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