Weekly Stoner Horoscope for July 10-17, 2017

GEMINI (May 21- June 20)

From time to time we are faced with challenges that seem utterly impossible. Now is that time for you Gemini my wayward twin. But, don’t fret and worry too much. You have the power and instinct to conquer what is facing you. It may not feel natural and you may not think you are doing it right. The ultimate reward will outweigh the pain in getting there. Smoke many, many joints and try to exercise everyday to keep the blood and energy flowing.

CANCER (June 21 – July 22)

Purple is what I see when I ruminate on what is good for you this week. You need purps and a lot of it. I want you to focus on your inner most intimate wants and desires and do whatever you can to get yourself to one of them. Once there, smoke more purps and think about how you have been stifling yourself and let go of what is holding you back. Life is good. It’s okay to live it.

LEO (July 23- August 22)

Some may heavily criticize you and your way of life this week, Knowing, this is not a comfortable space for the lions I want you to take deep breathes and digest whatever criticism comes your way. I would stack up on indica heavy strains to combat the perceived negative energy. Remember the universe is not designed to take you down only build you up.

VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)

It’s okay to toot your own horn. Meaning, now is the time for self promotion and interaction with your fellow man. It’s your time to climb on a pedestal and scream to the masses about how great you are. Shine like you have never shined before. Smoke at least 2 joints a day and do some man in the mirror exercises for 15 minutes a day. (sing to yourself and praise everything that is reflecting in the mirror)

LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)

Libra you are the “born charmer” and usually feel pretty good about yourself. However, this week things might seem a little askew. People aren’t giving you your normal positive feedback and reassurance. Don’t worry, you are still you and things will even out. Smoke 4 joints, two in the morning and two at night for some help balancing the bump of negativity.

SCORPIO (October 23- November 21)

Open your mind Scorpio. Smoke at least 3 indica heavy joints a day with a nice sativa dab for energy. Think about trying not to fuck things up by being you. Many opportunities are coming your way this week, but you need to remain open to others and how they operate.

SAGITARIUS (November 22 – December 21)

Sometimes the best way to tell the future is to look at the past. Focus on your past successes and try to pull from your experiences. Dab, dab, dab to really open your consciousness and move forward. You are uber special still and your loved ones will always adore you.

CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)

Capricorn you take life so seriously and hold your partners to such an elevated level of character. Life can be intense and overwhelming for you. Please smoke more and try to regain touch to your inner child. Remember how fun summer was when you were 8 or 9 and try to recreate some of those memories. Let go a little bit.

AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)

You are a powerful and awe inspiring sign Aquarius and now is the time for you to tap into what comes to you so naturally; organizing and inspiring those around you. You would love to save the world from it’s narcissistic self and now you have the momentum. I would vape throughout the day with a heavy indica joint in the morning and at night.

PISCES (February 19 – March 20)

The planets are in formation to bring you nothing but joy this week. Enjoy and smoke when you feel like it. Remember how compassionate you are and how your powers can change the world around you. One of my favorite Pisces, Kurt Cobain, said everybody is gay and influenced a generation to be better. You could be better to.

PUFF, PUFF, PASS and be kind.