Weekly Stoner Horoscope for July 24-30 2017

ARIES (March 21 – April 19)

You could be overwhelmed with exaltation and satisfaction for the next three weeks. Trick is you need to commit to seeing the beauty in life everywhere you go. Try vaping some hybrid, heavy indica concentrates in the morning and open your mind to what surrounds you. Sounds weird, but I think you need some Neil Diamond too – Hot August Nights would be a good listen.

TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)

You are strong like a nose breathing, raging bull and now is the time to strengthen your resolve and stay strong. Stay fucking strong Taurus and don’t forget you are known for your bullish/bully nature for a reason. None of the other astrological signs like to fuck with you. You can do what you want to do in this life and you know it. Stay cloudy with some hybrid sativa vapes and listen to Willie and Waylon’s, “Mama Don’t Let Your Babies Grow up to be Cowboys”. It’s deeper than you think.

GEMINI (May 21- June 20)

Gemini in all honesty you tend to be a bit freaky deaky and rarely do you shy away from an awkward sexual situation when attracted to a lover. Fly your freak flag high for the next couple of weeks and smoke A LOT of indica to keep your creativity flowing. Listen to some Prince, one of my favorite Gemini’s, “Darling Nikki” might be a good start.

CANCER (June 21 – July 22)

Happy Belated Birthday Cancerians’! Shit has been shifting for you lately and I want you to keep the course and focus on what brings you true happiness. Forget the trivial matters and all that doesn’t make you happy. At this point you know what you don’t want in life and you have the power to make this the greatest fucking life ever. Keep it light with sativa hybrids and listen to reggae all week, specifically Marley’s, “Lively Up Yourself”.

LEO (July 23- August 22)

Feeling like you want to run to the hills and leave all that you know behind? If so, you are right on track for what is in store for you this month. This being your birthday month is the perfect time for an escape. Listen to AC/DC’s, “Jailbreak”, and smoke at least 3 joints a day. One in the morning, one around the noon hour and one around sunset.

VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)

The Beatles, “Magical Mystery Tour”, is blaring in my head as I write your horoscope this week. Please, please listen to this classic song and do what you can to pull inspiration from it. Open your mind with heavy sativa hybrids and vape away. Now is the perfect time for you to focus on the journey and not the destination.

LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)

Stop trying to please everybody and think about what you want to do rather than what you should do. Society is always telling us how to think and behave. Listen to your voice inside and mute all the mind numbing noise around you. Heavy indica strains are recommended as well as a daily dose of Christina Aguilera’s, “Beautiful”, don’t laugh, this is your mantra this week.

SCORPIO (October 23- November 21)

Scorpio, have you ever seen the movie “Vision Quest”? If not, look it up and watch it. It’s old and a bit dated, but the message is one you need to hear. I see you are going through your own vision quest and I want you to pull inspiration from this 80’s classic. Watch the movie and listen to one it’s theme songs, John Waite’s, “Change”. And, vape anything throughout the day to keep a balance.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)

You are on a continual high right now and all those that come in contact with you will feel it too. Your energies are peaking and now is the time to spread the love. Reggae is always your friend, but right now it is your mantra. Listen to Tosh and Marley daily and really think about how one love will eventually change the world.

CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)

Goat’s tend to know it all, they gravitate to positions of authority and tend to take the lead on shit. However, they don’t always have the ability to self reflect when shit goes wrong. Now is the time for you to think about how life is fucking with you and learn from it. If something or someone is bugging the shit out of you really ponder on why you are so bugged? And, vape indica hybrids for maximum relaxation while listening to Michael’s “Man in the Mirror”.

AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)

I recommend a good sage smudging while listening to only the thoughts bubbling in your head. Let all thoughts come and go and don’t give any one too much energy. Just focus on cleansing all that you can…mind, body and spirit could all use a good wash. Indica’s are your friend this week to keep the body loose and free.

PISCES (February 19 – March 20)

I see clouds of sweet smoke circling your head for the next six months or so. Life is good for the Fish right now and nothing going to change the forecast for awhile. Just keep it cloudy with light and airy sativas and remember to be sweet to those around you. I am hearing Montrose, “Hot, Sweet and Sticky”, turn it up to eleven.

PUFF, PUFF, PASS and be kind.

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