WRITTEN BY: Mat Lee
High everyone, or more importantly, is everyone high? I’m Mat Lee, and I host a couple of podcasts you have probably never heard of. One of them was about weed called the Hot Box. That show will be back one of these days, but for now it sits and waits, as do the listeners, for new episodes to get posted. The other is a stupid comedy show, the show in fact that started my whole podcasting hobby. It’s called The Jamhole. I also host an Android show over at AttackoftheAndroids.com. Most Tuesdays, my nerd friends and I sit around in a Google Hangout on Air and talk about Android.
I also make hip hop, which is cool I guess. Like most everything I do, it’s just another hobby. I snowboard in the winter and hike in the summer. So that’s a little background on who I am, and why I’m here writing for you.
Quite a while ago, the people from Stuff Stoners Like got a hold of me asking about sending an awesome Stuff Stoners Like poster my way and talking on the show. We’re all busy people trying to survive and climb Maslow’s hierarchy the best we can, but I thought until I was able to get it framed and have them on the show, I could maybe write some cool stoner reading material for the site. I’ve been writing my whole life, have a couple of tech related bylines here and here if you want to get into that. I definitely didn’t just come here to shamelessly plug, so on with it then right?
In all the years I’ve spent podcasting and surfing the internet, I’ve come across a whole bunch of articles that have involved people getting killed. Everytime I think to myself, damn, that (insert deadly thing) has killed more people than cannabis. Obviously this can be anything that has ever killed anyone. We all know that no one has ever died from weed, yet the American government insists that it is a schedule 1 substance, and that it’s worth wasting countless dollars and resources keeping the public safe from. This is fucking stupid.
I finally got around to keeping track of these things. Every week or so I would like to present you with something that is more deadly than weed. Since it’s winter time for most of us, I thought this would be quite fitting.
This week we visit Russia, where back in 2010, icicles and ice blocks have been killing more people than marijuana. This happens quite a bit in Russia, you would think people in that type of climate would be more aware of this sort of thing. Vodka. It’s gotta be the Vodka.
Five people have been killed in what they say has been the coldest winter in 30 years, due to these deadly icicles. A guy named Boris was even quoted as saying, “Every day, I go out into the street as if I was entering a war zone.” A fucking war zone people. War. You know what else is a war zone? The homes of people after the FEDS raid their shit.
Based on what we’ve learned so far, I’d say the FEDS should focus more on these terrorist icicles than all this weed stuff harmlessly making people more tolerant of the day to day grind the government seems to have us all trapped in. It’s not just happening in Russia. After doing a little research, I came across this listicle on Go Green Travel Green (It has nothing to do with weed, I checked), about ten chilling tales (their pun not mine) of people getting killed by icicles. It seems like Chicago is the other place this tends to happen a lot. You could almost say tha Chi town is our Russia. Of course nobody would ever say that, but you could.
Icicles also claimed the lives of six back in 2008 in Moscow. How high does the body count need to go before the governments of these poor citizens step in and do something about it? I mean for fucks sake don’t they have Amazon there? You can easily go on Amazon and order shit to put on your roof that will prevent this from happening. Booze yo.
Bringing it back to America, a cop in Michigan back in 1903 had the top of his head cut right the fuck off after a rather large icicle fell on him. Showing that not even god can save you from these icey terrors, in 2001 a priest was trying to knock icicles off his roof. That’s right, he knocked the wrong spot and got a whole ice dam of icicles dropped on his head. Boom, just like that you’re done.
Personally I’ve never had anything remotely like this happen to me while smoking weed. Sure, I love getting blazed before a snowboard session at the Big, but I’ve never had to run and duck to save my noggin from getting taken off by a killer icicle with a mad vendetta.
That’s going to do it for this session. I hope you enjoyed it. If you did, definitely give the dudes that run this site a shout and we’ll get more for you. Be sure to share and share a like if you do the Facebook thing, and post the link on Twitter to help spread the word. You can hit me up on Facebook, Google+, Twitter, and I also use Instagram. Thanks for reading, for Stuff Stoners Like, I’m Mat Lee.