Dude, don’t you hate when someone “accidentally” pockets your lighter? Man, nothing sucks more, well except for maybe Coldplay or the Toronto Maple Leafs, than spending time rolling-up the perfect joint, or packin’ a nice fat bowl or getting’ the bong all readied with ice…only to discover you’re fuckin’ lighter’s gone, man! Dude, that sucks, right? So check it out, man, the best way to make sure that shit doesn’t happen again is to only buy white lighters.
WTF? White lighters, dude? Yep, because as legend has it…white lighters are stuff stoners don’t like. Google it, man, if you don’t believe us, dude, or just keep reading…it’s easier. Some stoners are so superstitious and shit that when it comes to this fuckin’ white lighter thing, man, they won’t even look at one, let alone light a spliff with one. It’s crazy.
Seriously, how the hell do you think edibles got their start? “All we got is this fuckin’ cursed white Bic lighter, dude and I ain’t usin’ that shit…we might as well just eat this weed,” said the 1st stoner to ever eat weed to the 2nd. True story, man…that is specifically how edibles got born, dude…ask anyone.
Why? Why don’t stoners like white lighters, man? It’s like what the hell’s the difference, you know, right? Well, we’ll tell you, dude, stoners don’t like white Bic’s NOT because Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, or Kurt Cobain all died with a white lighter in their pocket. Wha? Oh c’mon, dude, you’ve never heard those rumors, man. Just how long have you been smokin’ weed, man? You have heard of Jimi Hendrix, right? Shit, dude, Jimi, Janis and Jim Morrison all died before white Bics were even invented, man, so unless those motherfuckers had time machines, and they may very well have had ‘em since their shit was so ahead of it’s time…which would explain a lot of shit, man…wait, what were we talking about? Oh ya, Jimi Hendrix. No, wait. Aww, fuck it.
White lighters, that’s right. You wanna know why white Bic lighters suck, dude? Because they’re all white and stuff. They’re all white like the color of mayo or even worse, Miracle Whip. Gross. They’re all white like chalk outlines around a dead body or that nasty chalky-ass candy grandmothers always leave out on their coffee tables…and once you leave they dump that shit right back in its bag for next time and then bring out the good stuff like jelly beans and Hershey miniatures and eat it all behind your back and stuff, all laughing. White lighters are like white crayons…they’re lame. Why the fuck do they even put white crayons in the box anyhow? Who the fuck uses the white crayon? What the fuck for? Paper is white, dude, so what the fuck is the white crayon for? It doesn’t write over different colors…it’s useless. Fuckin’ white crayons…they taste gross too. Anyhow, white crayons are the white lighters of the Crayola world. And, like we said, dude, white’s the color of a blank sheet of paper, man. Nothing’s as scary as a blank sheet of paper on a Monday morning, man. Blank means you’ve been smokin’ weed instead of writing that fuckin’ science report or filling out those TPS reports and shit.
You know how hard it is to find a white lighter in snow? Drop a white lighter in a thick blanket of snow and guess what, dude…you ain’t getting stoned. Remember the Shining? Jack Nicholson went crazy and hacked up his family, who all died with a white lighter in their pocket, because he dropped his white lighter in the snow. He wouldn’t be all hacking up his family if he was stoned, man, just think about it.
White lighters are for rookies, dude. If you just started smoking weed, man, you probably use a white lighter. White lighters suck because like white rice, or milk or the evening news they’re all processed and homogenized. They can’t jump or rap or dance or play basketball. And, when you use the bottom corner of a white lighter to snuff out your bowl after a hit or to tamp down your weed before the next one…their asses get all dirty with resin. And, that’s a dead-giveaway you’ve been using it to smoke weed. Dirty-ass, resin-laden white lighters are a cop’s best friend, next to donuts, man, because that shit ensures job stability as they bust your ass for possession.
You know, that’s probably, like the real reason for the persecution of white lighters, because they’re li’l narcs, man. In fact, white lighters we’re probably created by the marijuana hatin’ man…to keep us stoners down, dude.
So like we said at the beginning…the best way to make sure you always have a lighter is to make sure it’s a white one…because white lighters are definitely stuff stoners like. Wait…did we just fuck that up? Ah, whatever…just smoke weed.
Leave a Reply
21 Responses to “Stoners Don’t Like White Lighters”
Maria Juana Tica
After learning this I dont consider myself a rookie anymore!
dieta para diarreia
I want to get started on producing some bucks off from our web site, how would Time passes with regards to completing this task? Consider adsense or other plans love it?.
Stickybuds
A real stoner would say any flame is a good flame. Been smoking for 18 years plus now and have never cared where the flame came from, you haven’t been smoking enough if you still believe in superstitious crap like this.
Lizzard
Hey Sticky Buds… You missed the whole point… that was funny as shit… Haven”t had a white lighter in pocket since I was in college… This website Rocks… Still pass’n word around… Laugh my ass off every night.. thanx
Tiluriso
I beg to differ and I partly agree w/Stickybuds. I say any lighter’s flame is a good flame, provided that it still has enough fuel in it, so that a substantial flame is produced. A Match’s flame on the other hand does not qualify – in my humble opinion, as a good flame for the activity in question.
Burns like a witch!
OMFG – that was some of the funniest shit I have read in a while! Just happened upon this site and article. The “one” counter arguement I would make as a longtime loadie, it’s far easier to see the remaining fuel in a white lighter. And also, I thought a yellow (not white) lighter was bad luck? Maybe the unlucky color differs in other regions of the country? Regardless , I’m now hooked on stuffstonerslike.com
Justin
Silly superstitions, really. The best suggestion of the white lighter curse, is that the bottoms made it easier to reveal resin and all that. However, look at the bottom of any Bic lighter nowadays. All have white bottoms.
Michael Gebert
AYO
Michael Gebert
A.) Thank you for writing this post
B.) I’d change your DISQUS template/CSS to anything but black; I can’t navigate these comments 🙂
Db
A lighter is a lighter..
31jetjet
It’s true. I hate white lighters I usually buy red.
Blind Stoner
As a blind stoner I find the whole white lighter debate funny and pointless. I had a white lighter and didn’t even know. Then one day I smoked with my sisters who shrieked in terror when they saw it.
jenica
You all seem ignorant as can be. The facts are there, yeah we get it. But who the fuck are you to judge ppl on something they believe in? Does it really bother you that much? Common now, lets not act like children. If you don’t like that fact that ppl believe that you shouldn’t smoke with a white lighter, well that’s your fucking problem. Build a bridge and get the fuck over it.
WeedishGuy
@Jenica:
“If you don’t like people making fun of your beliefs, don’t have such stupid beliefs.”
Jack H
I buy white lighters so I can see how much fluid is left.
jackgolfer
okay so i haven’t ever believed in the white lighter stuff id always said its stupid shit and i don’t care just so i smoke, on the contrary i haven’t ever bought a white lighter cuz that is just asking for trouble and who would ever buy a white lighter only sketchy people. thats exactly what i thought this past monday when i saw one laying on the floor of the bathroom at the entrance of crawford (sketchy dorm at my college) so i looked at it for a min and even thought to myself that this lighter had probably seen tons of action or stories, and knowing it was sketchy i just decided to pick it up. i smoked a cig with it immediately and had the worst headache for like 3 hours. that very night me and my buddies went to smoke at our spot which we have been smoking at for 3 years and never seen a cop, almost every day for 3 years been going to this spot… it is as safe as it gets, and i told em that this lighter is sketchy but it was all we had. the entire smoke sesh was awful one kid accidentally blew out the pack on the second hit, the driver scraped up the side of his car, one kid said his ear was hurting idk what was up but all of a sudden cops pull up we got busted, when i asked them what the reason to believe we are smoking was they pointed at the dash and there layed the white lighter. i am telling everyone don’t use those mofos, i didn’t believe in the curse but its more than true. this was the first time i ever used a white lighter, and when i got back to campus i put it right back where i found it.
Elsmokio305
shit I even use the long ass gun looking lighters people use to light bbq’s and shit they can’t reach… well fuck it I use em’ mofo’s when I ain’t got anything around… even if I had to make a flame out of a couple of rocks and sticks I’d light my shit with it. Smoke one x 2000 yalls
andrea
Well the way it works where i am from, chicago land area, we are leart of red lighters. It seems to be the common factor uf anyone gets busted b
andrea
Its seems different where i come fron, chicagoland area, we are all leary of red lighters, always the common factor when getting busted by the law
kayythastoner
idk dude like i have a whote lighter but i wrote on it so it wasnt blank bc it was real bland yk i smoke w it who cares its not a big deal a lights a light yk ? i usually dont buy white tho usually things w quotes on it or designs like sugar skulls and shit but idk no sketchy shit be happenin to me yet boii ill let ya know !!
Sean
I never heard the stuff about the famous musicians until my sister told me a few years ago. I’ve always avoided white lighters because all Bic lighters used to be white underneath, the colors were plastic wrapping. In high school someone would steal say a red lighter, rip off the plastic and say “nah man I didn’t take your red lighter, this is my white one I bought”. Having a white lighter made people assume u stole it. Now the actual lighters are colored, but the bad reputation of the white lighter stuck!