Is Zack Galifianakis STUFF STONERS LIKE? Sure, we all know Zack Galifi-whatever-the-fuck-his-name-is…pretends to be a STONER when the cameras are on him, but what we want to know is…does Zach Galifianakis really SMOKE WEED?
Now, believe it or not, there is actually a segment of the population that doesn’t smoke weed but claim that they do. Sounds crazy, right, especially in a world where everyone from actresses, to athletes, bankers, to politicians claim to not be doing something when in fact…they really are. So, why would someone actually pretend to be a stoner? Well, because by pretending to inhale…one is afforded the amenities and legal status of an every-day, good-standing, non-weed-smoking-citizen while at the same time reaping the rewards and the cool-guy street-cred of a Snoop Dog or Ricky Williams. That just doesn’t seem right. Now we’re not saying Zack Galifianakis doesn’t smoke weed…we’re just not convinced that he actually does.
Anyhow, man, let’s face it…people say they smoke weed or pretend to smoke weed for some crazy reason or another and stoners commonly have a name for those type of dudes…and that name is NARC! So Zack Galifianakis are you a narc…because if we ask you…by penalty of law…you have to tell us, right?
Okay, we admit…not all people who claim to smoke weed, but don’t actually smoke weed, are narcs, but ALL people who claim to smoke weed, but don’t actually smoke weed, are posers. And, when it comes to posers, we’re kinda haters. We’re haters because posers detract from the genuine article while all along cash in on it. Remember how everybody loved that kid who wore the cool Led Zeppelin jacket to school everyday until someone pointed out that he thought Zeppelin wrote Freebird and then he ate lunch by himself daily? Anyhow, nobody likes a poser because posers are dangerous. Some posers go around posing to smoke weed just so they can gain your trust. Those posers are usually DEA operatives or kid sisters…either way…those kind of posers just want to see you get busted.
Question: What’s Zack Galifianakis’s motivation to pretend to smoke weed?
Answer: To earn a living, of course.
You see, man, it’s hard to earn a living as a stoner, just ask Cheech. But, it’s lucrative to be typcasted as one, just ask Chong. And, speaking of being typecasted as a stoner, Zack Galifianakis got his acting start in 1996 playing…as wikipedia puts it, “a STONER” on some short-lived sitcom call Boston Common. And, then they go on and list how he’s successfully recycled that character for a bunch of movies no one ever saw like Corky Romano, Bubble Boy, Flushed, a few that people did see, the Hangover, Dinner for Schmucks, the Hangover II, some TV Shows like Tru_Calling, Reno 911!, The Sarah Silverman Program, Bored to Deah and TV appearances like Jimmy Kimmel Live to name just a few for search-engine purposes. Good thing for wikipedia…because we’ve never watched any of those shows…because we’re too busy actually smoking weed. Okay, we did see the Hangover, but there wasn’t enough WEED in it.
But what’s so funny is that apparently, Zack Galifianakis’s best stoner impersonation came when he played himself playing a stoner on Real Time with Bill Marr. Yeah, remember the episode…back in late October last year, just a few days before the Prop 19 vote to legalize weed here in California, Galifianakis was marrying himself to weed to promote something or other, prop 19 or some new TV show or movie or whatever…and he pretended to light up a joint? Okay, well he actually did light up something…so it wasn’t like he was pretending to light something up. But he was pretending never the less! Anyhow, you know what we mean, he took a few puffs off of what looked to be a joint. But, later in the week Bill Maher denied that Galifianakis was smoking real weed during an awkward interview he did with Wolf Blitzer on an episode of The Situation Room. So, uh…which is it, Galifianakis, man, we’re you smoking WEED or what, dude? Maybe you were smoking on one of those K2 or Bath Salts Products? Like if you need some weed, dude, man…just let us know.
Now Galifianakis is on the cover of Rolling Stone talking about weed. “Do you want to come over to my house and eat pot chocolates?,” Galifianakis asks Rolling Stone scribe Josh Eells in the latest issue. Apparently, Eells takes him up on the offer, they head back to Galifianakis’s pad and Eells writes “We’re very high.” And, they like have the munchies or something.
Although we see no further evidence in the article that Galifianakis is a stoner, Eells writes “He and marijuana go way back. When he lived in Vancouver a decade ago, he had a girlfriend named Watermelon who sold pot cookies on the beach.” Okay, no mention of weed-smoking there…only that he dated some fruit. The only place in the Rolling Stone Galifianakis cover story where we kinda get some sort of admission of inhalation is when Galifianakis claims he was stoned when Disney asked him to audition for some crime-fighting, guinea pig, kiddie flick called G-Force. Wait…what? STONED? We’re you really stoned or is that just an excuse? Come on Zack (starts with a gal and ends with a kiss) Galifianakis…tell us…do you really smoke weed or not?
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