⅓ Cup maple syrup
⅓ Cup brown sugar
½ Cup Cannabis infused-vegetable oil
4 tsp vanilla
½ tsp salt
5 Cups oats
5 Cups almonds (we left our whole because we are lazy)
Who said stoners can’t cook? Chef-Boy-Am-I-STONED here and I’ve got something you’re gonna hella dig. You know what dude, some people say that hippies had shitty taste. And with all that ratty hair and those bell bottoms and beads and shit, who could blame them, right? But hippies did have some pretty decent taste in music and breakfast cereal.
Now this Ganja Granola ain’t just for breakfast no more. This shit’s something special. No, not just because Ganja Granola’s got weed in it, man, but because Janis Joplin gave me this recipe. You see, it was getting late and I was smoking a joint in the moonlight outside the Fillmore in San Fransisco, when Janis appeared. Our eyes met. Then she whispered in my ear:
ONE: Grab a big fuckin’ mixing bowl. Preferably a steel one and whack that maple syrup on in there. Go for the Canadian stuff because Canadians knows two things; how to make kick ass maple syrup and kicking ass at hockey.
NEXT: Jam some brown sugar into a measuring cup marked ⅓. Take the contents of that measuring cup you just measured and fling it into the bowl like you’d love to fling a drink in your boss’s fuckin’ face. Mix. Now smoke a bowl.
THREE: Simon says pour in your weed-infused weed oil (recipe below). And keep on mixing. Did anyone tell you to stop? Fuck yeah, you can use an electric mixer or one of those big ass mixers like Martha Stewart would use. Or you could just use a fuckin’ whisk you pussy and spend you money on weed instead of mixers.
QUATRO: Pour in the vanilla and the salt. Keep mixing until you have an evenly distributed sticky, gooey mess.
FIVE: Plop in the oats and the almonds. You can leave the almonds whole or you can bust ‘em up. Whatever you do, dude, don’t use your weed grinder, to mash up them nuts or you’ll be sorry. Mix your gooey marijuana mess until it’s one, evenly coated gooey mass of almonds and oats.
666: Line a baking sheet with parchment paper—that way you can spend more time getting stoned and less time doing dishes and shit. Pour your gooey mass onto the paper and using one of those things you use to mash potatoes press your gooey granola mix into an inch thick layer. You could use a spatula, but spatula’s suck at this job.
THEN: Shove that baking sheet right into your oven’s face set at 325. Rotate your Ganja Granola once while baking for 40 to 45 minutes. Be careful, you don’t want to burn this shit. Burnt shit taste like shit. Let your Ganja Granola cool for about an hour and then bust it up into bite-sized pieces or big-ass chunks. Serve with yogurt or other stuff.
WEED OIL RECIPE
¼ ounce of ground shake
1 cup vegetable oil
WHATCHA DO IS:
Drop the oil and the herb in a saucepan. Tune your burner to hella low, then take out all your Coldplay records and burn them. Simmer your herb mixture for at least an hour. Use that hour to practice rolling joints or watch hockey. When the time’s up strain your mix through a fine mesh strainer or cheesecloth. Make sure you use a bowl that can take the heat or get that thing the fuck outta the kitchen.
Once your weed oil cools completely pour that shit into a clean glass bottle. Forget all your troubles, but don’t forget to put a cap on that bottle and stash it in the refrigerator. You might want to label it so mother-in-law doesn’t get hella high on accident. Or you might not. Oh and your healing-of-the-nations-infused herb oil should keep for about a month. If the oil starts getting cloudy like your bedroom during a good smoke sesh, toss that shit, homey, because bacteria has set in and that shit will make you sick. To ease the process of making weed-infused oil use the Magical Butter botanical extractor, check out our review here.
What’s your favorite Janis Joplin song to listen to when you’re eating stoner granola? Can even name one of her songs? Bet you don’t even know who she is do you? Let us know in the comments below.
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