After some research we concluded that the Certo Drug test method works. You can use…
This Monkey Whizz review is from our good buddy Jet Propulsion. We’ve know this guy for close to three decades. He works as a machinist here in the Bay Area and has been working this particular job for many many years. Recently though his boss told him that he’d be subjected to random drug tests. That’s no bueno for Jet because he smokes a ton of weed. He’s also a killer grower and plays in a couple bands. So this really puts a cramp in Jet’s style. Anyhow this is his tale about using Monkey Whizz to pass a piss test. It’s been lightly edited for grammar but that’s about it. Hope it helps.
PRO TIP—Monkey Whizz is cool but we HIGHLY recommend Sub-Solution synthetic urine to pass a urine drug test.
Jet P here. I’ve been working the same gig for hella years and suddenly boss-man says he is going to hit me up with random drug tests. Not having to take a drug test all the time was one of the reasons I’ve stayed at this place for so long. But now that the boss can drug test me whenever he feels like it I’ve got to make some moves. He claims its for insurance purposes but still I’m not trying to lose my job because I smoke weed. And I’m not about to stop smoking weed just to keep a job—even though I still have a family to raise and need some steady income.
Anyhow I found the perfect solution to my problem and with it I’ve been able to beat every drug test the boss has thrown at me. Even the one I had yesterday. I told @Stoner_Stuff about this fake pee from the Monkey peeps and he was like, “dude why don’t you write about it for us right quick it’ll definitely help some stoners out there looking for solutions.
So what I used to beat my drug test is a synthetic urine product called Monkey Whizz flask. There a Monkey Whizz dong thing that’s a urination device that comes with an artificial urine product aka fake pee. I just skipped the dong thing becuase my drug test isn’t a supervised one meaning nobody is there to watch me pee. So you could probably skip that device too. Anyhow their fake pee stuff looks, smells, and tests exactly like real urine. It’s basically fool-proof. So let’s dive in and see how you can use Monkey Whizz urine to keep your job or help you land a new one without any hassle.
Of course I’ve checked out Stuff Stoners Like for suggestions on how to pass a drug test. It seems like these guys have always recommended using fake pee. So I didn’t’ have to do too much research. But to be honest I couldn’t sleep until I did check things out myself. I read that you could use cranberry juice or stuff like fruit pectin aka the Sure Gel or Certo drug test method to pass a drug test for weed and other things. That all sounded a bit funky to me. I’m not trying to eat or drink anything nasty. That reminds me of all those janky detox drinks people are always trying to sell. I could have used pills too I guess but i’m not much of a pill-popper.
All these drug test passing methods are really for detoxing. I’m not really trying to detox. I like smoking weed and I’m not about to quit any time soon. I hurt my back in an accident a few years back and am not going to use opioids to treat the pain. I’m just not. So weed’s my thing. Whatever drug test solution I chose I knew that it would have to still allow me to smoke pot. So that’s why I knew right away I had to skip the detox or cleansing route and go straight for the substitution route. So that’s why I’m all about the Monkey Whizz nowadays. You don’t have to stop smoking weed and you can still pass a drug test.
Monkey Whizz is basically used to help you pass a drug test. Sure you can use it for sex play or to prank your roommate like some people claim—to get around the legality of it all. But let’s face it, man, this thing exists for stoners or others who like to relax after work and don’t think that the man should be able to dictate what you do outside of your job.
The fake pee that comes from these guys looks, smells and seems just like real pee. It also comes with a heat pad and temperature strip so you can get the temp dialed in before you hand it over to the people at the lab. This is important. Lots of people fail their test because they hand over cold or lukewarm pee samples. Piss doesn’t exit your body all cold and stuff. Drug testers are looking for this so don’t hand over a cold cup or your fail your test lickety-split.
I wouldn’t be writing this if the Monkey Whizz didn’t help me beat a drug test. Actually I wouldn’t be writing this if the Stuff Stoners Like people weren’t my buds and talked me into this. Anyhow not only has Monkey Wiz helped me beat a drug test for weed just yesterday it has helped me beat at least five other drug tests over the years. And they say these are random drug tests? Why’s the guy who looks like a stoner always gotta be drug tested, huh?
Anyhow the first time I did the substitution method I was a little nervous. I practiced too. That’s my pro tip to you. Practice walking around with the fake pee strapped to your person. Also practice getting that stuff out of the package and into the cup. Experience is a good thing to have. That’s all I’m saying. Plus keep in mind that the people there at the testing lab place are really focused on getting their work done and all that stuff that they’ve got to do each day. They don’t really have time to pay attention to you to see if you’re hiding something or looking suspicious.
Just act like you’re supposed to be there and you’ll be fine. Have confidence that’s all I’m saying. Seriously—confidence is key to passing a drug test. If you’re going the substitution method confidence is especially key. That’s because this Monkey Whizz stuff is guaranteed to pass once you hand it over—as long as it’s warm—that is all you’ve got to do, man. Smuggle it in, pout it out and you’re golden. So let me break down the steps for you so there’s no confusion.
Here’s all you have to do:
Simple as that, man. As long as you hand over a warm cup, take a leak in the toilet, grab all your trash and walk out confidently you’ve got nothing to worry about. Make sure you don’t leave your Monkey Flask or dong or synthetic urine belt behind or you’ll definitely fail.
Stoner_Stuff who writes this blog asked me how this stuff works. I’m not quite sure how Monkey Whizz works. I’m not a scientist. All I know is that it does work. Because it worked for me. Not only does it fool the folks at the lab because it looks, acts and smells just like real urine it will also pass a lab test. You probably don’t know this but most piss never even gets sent out to a lab to be tested. Yep most samples just get a quick temperature check and maybe a quick PH test to see if it’s fake. It’s the stuff that looks fake or is cold when delivered that gets sent to the lab for further testing.
Don’t worry if your samples goes to a lab for testing. Monkey Whizz has all the right stuff in it though that makes it seem just like real human pee. It foams up when you shake it and contains uric acid—the most important ingredient to prove that your sample is human pee not fake drug test urine. Plus it’s balanced for PH to fool even the most discerning lab test equipment. In fact Monkey Whizz pee is so realistic that it will even grow bacteria on it. So don’t go opening the bag before you need it or it’ll get all old and nasty just like old nasty pee.
Anyhow Monkey Whizz is awesome and as close to the real stuff as you can get. And trust me not all fake piss products are created equal. I’ve heard of other brands failing because they’re expired or counterfeit. Don’t let this happen to you. That’s one thing to check though. Make sure your Monkey Whizz isn’t expired or fake. Like Air Jordans being faked it’s possible that people are knocking off Monkey Whizz. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
There are a ton of urination devices on the market. How do you know which one is best? Well I can only speak about the Monkey Whizz because that’s really the only one that I’ve tried. It comes with everything you need to confidently pass your drug test with flying colors and it works without a hitch. Plus it’s super easy to use. I did look into the Whizz Kit a bit before I settled upon the Monkey Whizz kit. Why did I choose the Monkey Whizz v Whizz Kit? I hate to admit it. Why? Because it’s not scientifically backed or anything but I mainly settled on the Monkey Whizz instead of the Whizz Kit because of the cost. I’m not trying to spend a lot of money on pee. The price difference wasn’t that much but I’m always a bargain shopper.
Plus I’ve heard and read more stuff about the Monkey Whizz being better anyhow. I checked a bunch of blogs and forums. I kept seeing positive stuff about Monkey Whizz. Plus I’ve seen their advertisements in High Times magazine. I think I also saw them advertise their Monkey Whizz flask and Monkey Whizz dong product in other cannabis culture magazines so I was already familiar with the company.
I like the packaging better. It’s not good to judge a book by it’s cover, I know this. But I’ve always bought cereal based on the box and that hasn’t failed me since I was a kid. Also with a name like Monkey Whizz you can’t go wrong, right? That’s hella funny. But this is just my opinion. Your mileage may vary. So that’s why it’s important for you to leave some feedback here on my bud’s site. They’ll appreciate it of course but you know what? The people who appreciate it more than the dudes who run this site are the people who read it. They are the ones looking for a solution to their problems. So leave some feedback for them. One love you know.
You can buy Monkey Whizz from the web. We recommend using these guys. You should probably avoid getting this stuff from guys on Amazon or Ebay because those sites do not allow users to sell any fake pee products. So you might be dealing with some shady dudes if you go that route. If you do get it from the site we suggest you can expect that it will arrive in discreet packaging. You’re not trying to alert the neighbors or better yet your mom or roommate that you’re buying fake piss, right?
Don’t like purchasing your piss online? You can also pick Monkey Whizz up from your local head shop. Just make sure that you check the expiration date. This stuff does have a shelf life. And like we said above that Monkey Whizz will grow bacteria if it’s been opened. So make sure that you buy a sealed product.
A Monkey Whizz flask kill will cost you something around $45.95. You might pay a bit more or less depending on the website or the store you find it at. It comes with everything you need to deliver a clean sample of urine including:
Like we said above—your feedback is always welcome. Let us know if you purchased Monkey Whizz from our buds above or if you got it from somewhere else? Did it arrive in plain packaging? Was it new and in the original packaging. Most importantly did it work for you? Please let us know in the comments section below. Your testimonial can and will help other stoners in their search for a job or a drug test passing solution.
I’m not stoked that I have to get drug tested randomly. It totally sucks and I should probably find another job. But I am happy that I found a product that actually works. Monkey Whizz has worked for me several times. So at least I can continue working my current gig and not have to worry too much about losing it for smoking pot. I just have to make sure I have a lot of fake pee handy. So in conclusion you really don’t have much of a choice if you want to keep smoking and keep working and you’re going to be subjected to drug testing. So in conclusion I’ve spelled out your options below.
To pass your drug test for weed you can:
Sure you can give up smoking weed and go the detox route. But why would you? Weed is awesome. But let’s say you did and you went the detox route. Then you’ll have to choke down some funky detox drink or take some big nasty pill. You also have to exercise and drink a lot of fluids to help pass that pot through your system. This is not an ideal solution if you like to smoke pot or use if for medicine. Because as soon as you do smoke then you’re not going to pass your test.
You could take a gamble and try some other fake pee product. Just try and find one that’s proven successful. There are a few out there Sub-Solution is one that’s equally awesome. Or you can score some clean urine from a friend. Doesn’t matter if you’re a man and you get your clean urine from a woman. The drug testers aren’t looking for stuff like that. So don’t worry about that.
But I recommend Monkey Whizz. I’m not some tester-guy that works for Stuff Stoners Like or anything. I’m just a machinist who successfully used this Monkey Whizz stuff a few times to pass a drug test and then got talked into doing an interview with stuff stoners like and writing up a review thing. Anyhow I hope this is helpful. Let me know if it is or not or if this stuff worked for you in the comment section below. Cheers.
REVIEW BY: Jet Propulsion for Stuff Stoners Like
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