Elvis is Stuff Stoners Don’t Like

The drug addicted Elvis agreed with Nixon that illegal drugs (chiefly marijuana) and the hippie counterculture (that smoked pot) were destroying American society…






Stoners Don’t Like the Time Ben Harper Yelled at Us

Sure, you’d think two-time Grammy Award winner, guitarist extraordinaire Ben Harper is all patchouli-reakin’ easy going,  hippy-dippy like Lenny Kravitz. Or that the cat has more cool cred than Jack Johnson. Or that he’d be all super cool to share … Continued


Stoners Don’t Like the Keytar

There’s absolutely no way to NOT look like an asshole while playing a keytar. What the fuck is a keytar you ask? Well we’ll tell ya…it’s an instrument that’ll make you look like an asshole just by looking at it. … Continued




Stoners Don’t Like Matches

Matches are for suckers or for people who don’t have lighters. Why? Because they suck..that’s why. Have you ever tried to spark up a fat bowl with a match? Oh you did…did you? Well, how many times did those matches … Continued


Stoners Don’t Like Senseless Violence

You know when Pete Townshend would get all mad at his Rickenbacker and smash it into a million little pieces all over the stage and you’d say to yourself, “Shit, Pete, man…why don’t you just give that fucking beautiful geetar … Continued


Stoners Don’t Like Aerosmith

Imagine a bar band dressed in whatever they could find on the dirty floor of a thrift store, with a singer that looks and moves like Mick Jagger in the dark, and you have Aerosmith…aka a bad Rolling Stones cover … Continued


Stoners Don’t Like Kids

Sure, they’re cuddly and cute when they aren’t all covered in grape jelly, or snot, or afterbirth. It’s not that stoners don’t dig kids… it’s just that kids ruin everything and they’re just such buzzkills. Just imagine how fucking awesome … Continued