Puffco Proxy Ryan Fitt Attachment Review
New Puffco Proxy and Puffco Wizard attachment arrived recently. We were somewhere outside of Reno, on the edge of the forest, when the feels from my new Puffco Proxy began to take hold.
The car reeked of butane ghosts and half-melted gummies. My attorney had loaded the Wizard — a great spiraled glass wand, like some cursed artifact smuggled from Mordor — and jammed the Proxy’s glowing brain into it. The damn thing pulsed like a radioactive egg, humming in Morse code from another galaxy.
“Hit it,” he growled. “Before the bats get wise.”
I drew in the vapor. Smooth, too smooth. It slid down my throat like liquefied mercury wrapped in velvet. My vision fractured instantly into kaleidoscopic shards — fractal desert mesas bending like Salvador Dalí’s pocket watch. The sun was no longer a sun but a giant pulsating THC crystal, and every cactus along the highway was leaning in, whispering legal disclaimers about “intended for concentrate use only.”
The Wizard’s stem kept cooling the vapor, winding it into strange, silky threads that crawled through my lungs and rewrote my DNA. I exhaled and the smoke formed hieroglyphics in midair: Nixon’s face, Hunter Biden’s laptop, a tap-dancing donkey on fire. My attorney screamed that the car was filling with spiders, but I knew better — it was only reclaim buildup spiraling through the glass.
The new Puffcoi Proxy itself was like a dealer from another dimension: generous, yes, but cruel. Its battery flickered like a dying star, taunting me with the possibility of abandonment mid-trip. I could feel its soul: sleek, modular, a trickster god of vapor technology. You don’t own the Proxy. You enter into contract with it. And the terms are written in terpenes.
By the third chamber load, reality had split in two. Half of me was still in the car, sweating through a Fear & Loathing paperback, while the other half had been launched headlong into the astral plane — surfing on a neon jackrabbit, smoking concentric rings of flavor that tasted like melted gummy bears and corporate greed.
The Wizard attachment wasn’t an accessory anymore. It had grown, impossibly long, twisting and curling, until it was a full-blown staff in my hands. I was no longer dabbing. I was conducting an orchestra of hallucinations: vapor dragons swooping overhead, Elvis Presley selling dab tools at a roadside Chevron, the American Dream itself staggering on the horizon in bell-bottoms and a MAGA hat.
We pulled over at a rest stop to regroup. My attorney tried to clean the chamber with a Q-tip but dropped it in the sand. I sat cross-legged on the hood of the car, inhaling the last of the Proxy’s charge, and realized:
This isn’t just a vaporizer. It’s a psychedelic weapon, a glass-and-silicone key to doors that should probably stay closed. The Proxy is sleek enough to trick the DEA into calling it a “medical device,” but in truth it’s a cosmic engine, one hit away from detonating your nervous system into pure cartoon static.
The Wizard only amplifies the madness. Longer pulls, cooler smoke, smoother illusions — until you’re convinced you’ve become Gandalf on mescaline, battling dragons in the Mojave with nothing but vapor clouds and an unshakable grin.
We left the rest stop at dawn. The Proxy was dead, battery drained, its LED still faintly pulsing like a heartbeat. In the rearview mirror, I saw the Wizard’s stem glowing in the sunrise, casting strange runes across the desert floor. I knew then we were doomed, but I lit another dab anyway.
The Puffco Proxy and Wizard are not tools. They are co-conspirators in a felony against reality. If you value stability, run. If you crave flavor, ritual, and unhinged hallucinatory communion with the American Dream, embrace them. But be warned: once you inhale, you’ll never come back the same.
The New Puffco Proxy is a modular vaporizer kit designed for concentrates. It combines sleek glassware with a powerful 3D chamber and customizable attachments, making it easy for stoners to score smooth dabs anywhere.
The Puffco Proxy Wizard is a long, Gandalf-style glass attachment. It connects directly to the Proxy base and cools vapor while adding a little stoner magic to every hit.
Yes, many stoners say the New Puffco Proxy delivers premium flavor and smooth hits compared to torch rigs. Its portability, modular design, and easy cleaning make it a solid choice for regular dabbers.
The New Puffco Proxy is designed for concentrates. Puffco offers additional accessories like a flower bowl add-on, but the main device and the Wizard attachment shine best with wax, rosin, and live resin.
The New Puffco Proxy is available on the Puffco website
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