Weekly Stoner Horoscope for November 13-19, 2017

Hero STONER HOROSCOPEARIES (March 21 – April 19)

One of my favorite Aries actor is Robert Downey Jr…..I have loved him and his quirky manner since Weird Science. Love him, love his style, love his candid and genuine ways. Very few men can get away with wearing purse. Somehow he makes the satchel and handbag work. There are more pictures of Downey Jr. with a purse than without one. I want you to channel a little Robert Downey Jr. this week, forget all of society’s conventions and use whatever accessory is needed to get you through your day. Now might be the time to buy a new cartridge and pen, inhale much indica and cloud up your inhibitions. Wear whatever it is that you want this week and insure all clothing and accessories make you feel like you are the master of your domain. Listen and watch some Gaga for guidance…’Hair’.

TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)

Life is not supposed to be easy. If a life is well lived pain and suffering are constant companions to joy and happiness. Right now your suffering quotient might be at an all time high and you may be thinking joy and happiness are adjectives only other people use. They are not, I assure you. In order to shift your current energies ruminate on what you perceive to be your liabilities and problems. Then think about how these so called “problems” could actually be disguised as gifts and treasures from the universe. Really focus on being thankful for all that has happened to you, good and bad. It has all come together and made you who you are today. And, remember anybody who doesn’t appreciate your complex, beautiful being doesn’t deserve to walk the trail of life holding your hand. Inhale indica, indica and some more indica and then listen to Gladys Knight and the Pips, ‘Midnight Train to Georgia’. Let anybody who is not on team Taurus to get on the train and leave the station.

GEMINI (May 21- June 20)

Curiosity will be your friend and close companion for the next couple of weeks. Everywhere you go curiosity will be riding on your shoulder, like a little Curious George monkey on your back, encouraging you to probe and question all that you see and encounter. Embrace this time as if you were Alice traveling and trapezing across Wonderland with an unquenchable thirst for knowledge and information. Glue on a temporary tattoo of a huge question mark on your forearm. Use your tattoo as a constant reminder to allow curiosity to rule your world and language. Listen hard and take notes about your findings. You may be surprised by what information and education you gained in just two weeks. Tap into one of my favorite Gemini’s for inspiration this week, Prince and ‘Curious Child’.

CANCER (June 21 – July 22)

Now is the time for you to express your sweet and tender respect for the people you love and care about. Why you may ask? Because your efforts and energies given to others will act as an antioxidant boost for your physical health, emotional wealth, and your spiritual well being. That’s right, the more you give the more you will receive. Sounds pretty simple…it’s not. But, try anyways. The benefits will far outweigh any negative and you will feel like a new being in a couple of days. You are a powerful force to be reckoned with and don’t forget you are filled with worth and value. You are kinda of a big deal, if you know what I mean? The song meant to inspire and motivate you this week is, Al Green’s, ‘Love and Happiness’.

LEO (July 23- August 22)

Are you focusing all your time and energies on the right crisis? Are you being distracted by an issue that is taking you from your long term goals? It’s very important you meditate on both of these questions and leave plenty of time and space to reach a conclusion. Now is the time to set your intentions and wishes in stone for 2018. 2018 will be the year it’s all about you and reaching your optimum goals. But, you need to make sure you are climbing the right mountains and crossing the right rivers. Listen to Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell’s, ‘Ain’t No Mountain High Enough.’

VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)

Loneliness is one of the most painful and gut wrenching emotions we can experience. As Three Dog Night once said, ‘One is the Loneliest Number’, that you will ever know. And, as I am sure you know, being lonely is no roller coaster ride. Often you are in an endless whirlpool of despair and sadness with no fun in site. You think someone or something is going to knock you out of your funk. Let me tell you, no one person has the power to knock you out of your stinky, stale, funk. If you want to join a tribe and enjoy the companionship of others you will need to think of ways to implement yourself into society. Don’t worry they are waiting for you and your intrinsic manners. Ultimately, people need people and those people are the luckiest people in the world. Which segue ways to your song for the week, Barbara Streisand’s, ‘People’. Really, people who need people are the luckiest people in the world.

LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)

Sometimes you and those in your tribe miss seeing the forest for the trees. You know what I mean? In case you don’t, according to grammarist.com: “To say the idiom cannot see the forest for the trees means that a person or organization cannot see the big picture because the focus is too much on the details. It would be like someone needing to paint an entire house in one day, but spending half the day on picking out the right color.” Point being, now is not the time to miss seeing the forest from all the distracting details that may be colluding your mind. Inhale lots and lots of sativa hybrid strains to keep your conscious light and airy. And, listen to lots and lots of The Black Crowes. ‘By your Side’, will give some perspective on the “forest through the trees” idiom.

SCORPIO (October 23- November 21)

Paradise. Paradise is your word, mantra, theme, doctrine for the next couple of weeks. Now is your time to revel and enjoy in paradise. Don’t forget paradise comes in all different flavors and distinctions and you need to open you mind to what paradise means to you. Keep things cloudy and light with indica joints throughout the day. Focus on heavy CBD strains and use one of my favorite songs about paradise for your theme song this week. Guns N’ Roses, ‘Paradise City’.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)

Sometimes exposing yourself to bad influences can have a sobering effect that guides you through tough times and difficult situations. Now is one of those times. Go ahead and tap into those individuals and or situations that tend to play on the darkside. I want you to observe and learn from their experiences with negativity. Think Luke and Vader and their ultimate showdown after Luke discovered he was the son of evil. Luke lost his hand, kept his soul and learned more about himself than he thought he could. The encounter with darkness ultimately schooled him to go and battle another day, stronger and wiser. If this doesn’t make sense then you need to inhale more herb. Try some heavy indica strains to relax your mind and body to really absorb the lessons of the Jedi. Song for the week for inspiration and motivation: Iron Maiden, ‘Fear of the Dark’.

CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)

The astrological omens suggest you are about ready to embark on an emotional and spiritual journey that will have cataclysmic rippling effects on all those around you. The next year will be all about you finding new and different ways to completely maximize the punch of your social impact. You have an opportunity to allow your positivity to pulse by not holding back any love and compassion. Just be yourself and continue to give genuine, honest, feedback laced with nuggets of niceness. Don’t forget your negativity can also ripple through a crowd bringing it down faster than the Titanic. You have a choice to put out either positive or negative vibrations out to the universe. Either way you will affect others and you want to allow the positive to rule and rise. Inhale three, indica hybrid, joints a day to help keep you on the lively side. And, when in times of need, use Sam and Dave’s, ‘Hold on I’m Coming.’

AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)

This past year has been a tough one for you Aquarius. Why? Because life is tough and all years are tough ones. Point being, don’t focus on the negative, life is full of it. The only way to happiness is to think happy thoughts and say happy things. Sounds pretty simple, but thinking happy thoughts and actually verbalizing them to another individual can be difficult and may seem somewhat impossible for you. My challenge to you this week is to focus on the positive only. If some negative thought tries to enter your conscience, just sweep it away with thoughts of sitting on the beach watching waves or smoking a fat, juicy joint with Snoop Dogg. You can do it. Inhale lots and lots of herb and just be nice this week. Listen to Marley and the Wailers for a reminder, ‘Positive Vibration’.

PISCES (February 19 – March 20)

You got some major mojo going on this week and the weeks to come. The planets suggest the time is ripe for possibilities that were once deemed impossible and out of reach. Continue thinking of new ways to take steps to obtaining all that you want and desire. Think big, real big, and let your imagination run like a child filled with glee and joy running in a forest of possibility. When faced with obstacles think, “how can I make this work for me?” or “how can I make this the best life ever?”. Inhale some sativa hybrid strains throughout the week and listen to Queen. ‘Flash—he’s King of the Impossible’ and your muse for the week.

PUFF, PUFF, PASS and be kind.
By @stonedandstuff

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