Weekly Stoner Horoscope for June 12, 2017
ARIES (March 21 – April 19)
Your world is a little upside down right now and you need to slow down the pace. Heavy, heavy Indica should be utilized in this somewhat chaotic phase. Try some edibles with several joints before bedtime. You need your rest and head space to combat the chaos of your week. Be good to yourself and your partner. Remember we are all doing the best we can and your love interest is only here to help and support you.
TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)
Venus is shining her beauty your way and is enhancing your charisma and magnetism. You are like an electric peacock fanning your feathers to the world, shouting, “I am here and notice me. “ Sativa hybrid concentrates would be recommended to help boost your creativity and awareness through this magical time.
GEMINI (May 21- June 20)
Mercury’s tension in Neptune this week may cause for few a bumps in your near future. Don’t worry. The week will end on a solid positive note. Just keep your head up, like a hockey player preparing for a hit, and listen to that inner voice. Human beings are the only animals that don’t rely on their intuition and instinct for survival. Don’t let this be you this week. Smoke three heavy indica joints and let your true self out. All will be well.
CANCER (June 21 – July 22)
Mercury in tension with Neptune is fucking with all of us this week, but it’s really fucking with you Cancer. You may feel like a surfer caught in a toilet bowl being flushed down life’s crapper sometime this week. Keep cool. Rely on family and friends and tell yourself it’s okay to check out and recharge. Chill out with your favorite edible and keep an even and steady stream of heavy CBD cartridge to keep you balanced.
LEO (July 23- August 22)
Leo, I love your way of looking at life through rose tinted glasses. Somehow, no matter how dire or depressing life becomes you see it as an opportunity to learn and grow. However, this attribute can backfire and you end up feeling inadequate and overwhelmed because you can’t change those around you. Take a break. Smoke three joints everyday this week. Your choice on the flavor and strain, but keep medicated.
VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)
This will be a rollercoaster of a week with highs so high you might feel like throwing up a little bit. Just a little bit. Your need to organize and maintain is at odds with Mercury’s tension in Neptune. Let go big time with some concentrates. Relax you tense motherfucker. Take a deep breath and remember you have all the tools needed to succeed and they aren’t going anywhere anytime soon.
LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)
Feeling a little insecure, uneasy this week? It’s Mercury and Neptune. The tension between them is messing with everybody this week. Just stay cool baby and all will be okay. Joints, joints, joints. I cannot recommend enough indica heavy joints this week. The security you crave will come in the near future. Remember everything is temporary and this time will be too.
SCORPIO (October 23- November 21)
This is has been a tough time for you Scorpio. Seriously, it seems like the planets have been skewing your inner workings for awhile. However, Venus is opposing Scorpio and love is almost a certain if not already in your life. Be patient and don’t sabotage yourself by second guessing your partner. Be cool with some indica hybrid bong hits.
SAGITARIUS (November 22 – December 21)
Do you remember the Michael Jackson song “Man in the Mirror”? If you can’t hear it in your head right now go do a search and listen to it three times while smoking a heavy sativa joint. Now, remember quit worrying about others and focus on yourself. You just worry about you boo and everything will be cool and gang this week.
CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)
Don’t take yourself too seriously this week. You are not the only one who experiences suffering. You are in this with everybody else and can be a hindrance or an asset to your friends and family depending on your direction. Remember you are in charge of you and only you can decide to learn from the lessons that are coming your way. You got this goat.
AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)
Mars is in Cancer this week and focusing on any one task for too long may be difficult. Don’t stress too much about it and try to go with it. Enjoy a Cookie strain and spend sometime outside enjoying the beauty around you. It’s okay – it’s beyond you this week.
PISCES (February 19 – March 20)
Things are still popping for you and your creativity is peaking. Continue to ride this wave with sativa dominant hybrids and use your instinct to guide your way. Let your body feel and listen to what it has to say. Meditate, do a pose or two and think about how you can be a sweeter, warmer version of yourself.
PUFF, PUFF, PASS and be kind.
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