Weekly Stoner Horoscope for July 31- August 6, 2017
ARIES (March 21 – April 19)
Are you feeling love in the air? Do you see hearts and rainbows everywhere you look? If so, this is the time for you to embrace romance and demonstrate your devotion to your loved one. I see you tripping through the daisies throwing flowers to any onlookers observing your glee. You are kinda on a natural high right now, but I would continue this streak with some heavy purps in the morning. I am hearing Marvin Gaye’s, “Sexual Healing“, as I ponder on your direction this week.
TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)
You have been in the tumultuous toilet bowl of life lately with no ability to flush. It may seem like chaos and struggle are your only two best friends right now. It’s okay, this is where you are supposed to be. Hold on tight for a couple of weeks and you will be able to sift through all the bullshit and see what is blocking you from true happiness. Try not to stress too much and smoke at least three joints a day. Morning, noon and night should do you just right. And, give a listen to Green Day’s, “Dookie” for inspiration.
GEMINI (May 21- June 20)
Be on the lookout for the sublime blessings that come to you on a daily basis. Life tends to throw us beacons of light transmitting wisdom and direction and I see several of these on the horizon for you. You won’t have to look too hard for this beacon. It will come in a subtle, ordinary fashion. Vape indicas throughout the day and keep it cloudy. Try not to think too much and feel your way through this week. Try listening to Whitesnake’s, “Here I go Again“, and don’t focus on Tawny Kitaen’s nip slip….for too long.
CANCER (June 21 – July 22)
Free your mind, and the rest will follow. En Vogue’s song, “Free your Mind“, is blaring through my mind right now as I ruminate on your week. First, listen to the song three times and smoke three sativa hybrid joints for clarity. Second, don’t fuck things up by thinking too much. Go with your primal instincts and have faith in yourself. Your intelligence will always be by your side to tap into for reassurance.
LEO (July 23- August 22)
Your ambition and enthusiasm usually motivates and/or catapults those around you. Sometimes, however your charisma and leadership overshoot the task and you tend to piss people off. Stop pissing people off and focus on you boo. You are a powerful force right now and you shouldn’t be wasting your energy trying to control that which you cannot. Calm your shit down and smoke 4 joints a day. Indica heavy. And, listen to Sugar Hill Gang’s “Rapper’s Delight“. Think about the genesis of rap and the collaboration necessary to create music.
VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)
Take your nose off the grindstone and give yourself a much needed break. Everybody needs down time to digest, relax, and nurture oneself. This is your time to treat yourself like you would a loved one. It’s okay, don’t worry, you will not disappear or evaporate away. Inhale some sativa vapes and remember this is your life and the only person you need to answer to is yourself. Try some Bobby Brown and “My Prerogative“.
LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)
Spread the love Libra. It looks like the astrological signs are perfect for you to inspire and motivate those around you. Only good energy is coming your way this week empowering you to do great things. Keep it cloudy with some heavy sativa hybrids and really listen to Bob’s, “Small Axe”. The lyrics will do good. “Ready to cut you down….”
SCORPIO (October 23- November 21)
Obsessive compulsion could be a good thing for you this week. If you have a whacky inclination to focus on some sort of project that will utilize your OCD tendencies, do it. Embrace your OCD, give it a big bear hug and focus on the potential good you can do with it. Stay away from all negative energy clouds and focus on only positive thoughts and actions. Keep it cloudy with heavy indica throughout the day and listen to Blondie’s, “One Way or Another“.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)
Mediocrity is your enemy, embrace turmoil and indecision for the next couple of weeks. The answers will surely bubble to the surface and will serve as the rosetta stone to your future. Keep it cloudy with heavy purp’s and indica. Smoke at least 3 joints a day and really let your inhibitions go. Listen to the Stone’s/Buddy Holly’s, “Not Fade Away”, for inspiration. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P6RWnGQ3XqQ.
CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)
You may be tested in the next couple of weeks in ways you are not quite comfortable. Embrace this turmoil and don’t be afraid of the shit stirring up. Keep it cloudy with heavy indica vapes throughout the day and be open to a new way of dealing with life’s bumps on the head. Sometimes a little, love bump can stir up creativity and induce clarity. Keep your mind open and listen to Pink Floyd…any Pink Floyd and alot of it.
AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)
We all need love and human contact, even you my intelligent friend. I know you want to share yourself, but are afraid of losing who you are or becoming what other people think you should be. Remember you need to invest before you can gain rewards. In other words, put your foot in the fucking love pond and take a chance. Smoke many doobers, indica for you, and really, really listen to Willie Nelson’s, “Always on My Mind“. It’s a killer.
PISCES (February 19 – March 20)
Your astrological planets are peaking and emitting happiness laced with a little joy. However, the next couple of weeks may feel like you are back in high school, learning lessons you thought you already knew. Now is the time for you to view the world with the eyes of the child so your soul can move forward. Let go. Smoke at least 3 indica joints a day and think big. Real Big. Try some Lennon and listen to “Imagine“.
PUFF, PUFF, PASS and be kind
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