By: Mat Lee
Today’s edition of MDtW is ripped straight from the headlines of current event news. Actually, it started out as a tweet from fellow Jamholian MDS, saying that Treadmills are more deadly than weed. I didn’t know exactly what he was talking about until I got back home and online. Then I saw the horror. Treadmills have indeed just become more deadly than weed.
The human whose life was taken by one of these mangler-esque nightmare exercise death machines? Dave Goldberg. He was the CEO of SurveyMonkey and husband of Facebook executive Sheryl Sandberg. He was also found lying in a bloody mess next to a treadmill at the Four Seasons Resort in Punta Mita Mexico.
The treadmill in question? The Technogym Excite. The scary part about this whole thing? They have eight total machines in the fitness center. When will this cardiovascular killer stop taking our fitness conscious loved ones? Maybe people should form groups to ban these evil machines, much like certain groups do for cannabis. Sounds silly right? It sounds even more silly when people say that sort of stuff about weed, which has still never taken a life.
This isn’t even the first time treadmills have been responsible for human fatalities. An article on the Daily Mail from May of 2009 talks about how Mike Tyson lost his four year old daughter to a treadmill murder. She was found with the machine strangling her with it’s power cable at their home in Phoenix. Treadmills are no joke.
An article about treadmills on USA Today points out that, “Almost 460,000 people were sent to the hospital in 2012 for injuries related to exercise equipment, according to the agency’s data. The vast majority—nearly 428,000 were treated and released for their injuries—but about 32,000 were hospitalized or were dead on arrival. About 19,000 people went to the emergency room from treadmill related injuries in 2009, including almost 6,000 children, according to news reports citing the agency’s data.”
For something that is supposed to help us stay healthy, treadmills sure do bring the pain. Not in the fun kind of no pain no gain workout philosophy stuff, but the pain that is sometimes followed by death, or a long stay in the hospital. One will cost an arm and a leg, the other, your life.
Unless of course you happen to be watching one of the many treadmill fail compilations on YouTube. I could get blazed and watch this stuff all day. Treadmill fail compilations are definitely #StuffStonersLike. While you’re over on YouTube, stop by my channel and subscribe so you can get more awesome weed reviews, and other fun stuff I post.