ARIES (March 21 – April 19)
The astrological omens indicate you (as well as famed activist Dennis Peron who passed away this Saturday) may be subject to a tsunami wave of accolade. Every so often life gives you a big pat on the back. And this is one of those times for you. Enjoy the supportive wave of acknowledgement and praise, but don’t let your ego run around toying with your world. Meditate for at least 10 minutes a day and inhale some heavy indica dominant flavors. Focus on balance and remaining humble. Use Tanya Tagaq as your muse for the week.
TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)
Change can be frightening and somewhat disabling if you allow fear and insecurity rule your house. Just like FDR said many moons ago, ‘the only thing we have to fear is fear itself’. Fear or the fear of fear is an actual psychological term. According to Dr. Jay Winner, it is an example of what in Dialectical Behavior Therapy is called a secondary emotion. When an event happens, we may have a primary emotion. For example, if you break up with a significant other, you may have the primary emotion of being sad. If you think that you shouldn’t be so sad, you may get sad about being sad. Being sad about being sad, angry about being angry, or fearful of being fearful are all examples of secondary emotions. These secondary emotions may prolong feelings of sadness, anxiety and anger. To avoid being stuck in any of these emotions, let go of thoughts of how your primary emotion should be different. Welcome how you feel, and the primary emotion relatively quickly comes and goes.” Why the Psych 101 lesson? Because my wish for you this week is to let go of all secondary emotions, and move towards your ultimate life. The life you want to live not the life you think you should live. Imbibe with some marijuana and remember you are in a perfect position to pounce on life’s lessons and take them to the pinnacle. Stay positive and listen the Psychedelic Furs, ‘Love my Way’.
GEMINI (May 21- June 20)
Imagine an enormous neon blue, protagonist Genie just popped into your universe and graciously granted you three wishes. Think Aladdin, Robin Williams and three opportunities to alter and change your world forever…What would your wishes be? Take your time and ponder this exercise. Write down your wishes and put thought to print. Now is the time when the planets are positioned for you to benefit in large return. Inhale some low THC, heavy CBD strain and allow your body an opportunity to reset and relax. Take cue from the genius that was and is Robin Williams.
CANCER (June 21 – July 22)
A wise man once told me the secret to a happy life revolves around one simple adage, ‘swim – don’t tread water’. I think the intended meaning was and is, if you are stagnant too long you don’t go anywhere and eventually die a horrible death from drowning. My wish for you this week is to remember and embrace swimming and not treading. I want you to envision yourself as an olympic swimmer with whale like lung capacity capable of moving through the waters of the world with ease and confidence. Inhale heavy indica dominant strains and take a long hot bath. Listen to this classic from Bobby Freeman for inspiration.
LEO (July 23- August 22)
Does your life feel like you are in a toilet bowl ready to be flushed to sea at any given moment? If the answer is yes, then you are right on track for greatness. Maybe not the greatness you were hoping for, but greatness nevertheless. I see the next 8 weeks as an opportunity to really, really delve into your intimate relationship like you have never delved before. Put on your scuba gear and get ready to hit depths you have never imagined. Don’t worry, all will be well and you and your loved one will resurface with enormous amounts of power and knowledge. This is a pretty exciting time for you and yours so don’t get caught up with any negative energy. It will dissipate like the bay area fog and a rainbow of enlightenment will ultimately reveal itself. Please inhale all indica dominant strains in the evening and tell yourself everything is as it should be. And, listen to Marley. You need an injection of a one world love. ‘Don’t worry every little thing is goin’ be alright.’
VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)
Virgo, you tend to be over-critical most of the time. And, as you may have already guessed, you are capable of pissing off those near and dear to you. You can’t help it, I get it, but the rest of the universe is not so omniscient. Your need for tidiness and sorting everything out is one of your greatest strengths. However, in order to sail smoothly on the personal front, it is important that you be patient with those around you and remember they are doing their personal best even though it may not compare to your standards. Take a break for a bit and inhale a 50/50 hybrid for perfect Virgonian balance. Also, take a moment and listen to Howard Jones give you a lesson in, ‘The Balance of Love’.
LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)
Did you ever hear the rock fable story about Sting and Trudie Styler having tantric sex for eight hours? Sting actually set the record straight in 2014 in an interview with the famous ‘Actor Studio’s’, James Lipton. In response to Lipton’s more than intrusive question, Sting said, “If we had seven hours, I would demonstrate,” to huge laughs and cheers. “Maybe not. But there is some truth to it. The idea of tantric sex is a spiritual act. I don’t know any purer and better way of expressing a love for another individual than sharing that wonderful, I call it, ‘sacrament.’ I would stand by it. Not seven hours, but the idea.” He then quipped, “Seven hours includes movie and dinner,” getting another round of laughs. Yuck, yuck, yuck. No offense to Sting fans, but we think he is bit of an ass and too full of himself. Nevertheless, he is who he is and he has never shied away from embracing and loving himself. This is what I want for you this week and the next. Think like Sting and be you to the absolute maximum. Shed any negative narratives internal or external and inhale lots and lots of Sour Diesel. Although we are not huge Sting fans, The Police and ‘Roxanne’ are, without a doubt, noteworthy and deserve recognition.
SCORPIO (October 23- November 21)
Scorpio, I know you have heard that old adage about variety being the spice of life, but in case you missed it. I looked it up for you and according to dictionary.com ,“The phrase ‘variety is the spice of life’ was first seen in 1785, in William Cowper’s poem The Task: “Variety is the very spice of life, that gives it all its flavor.” I want you to embrace this phrase from the 18th century and really, really add some flavor to your routines. Do something different with different people. Think all things spicey and red. Add any new color anywhere to help motivate this new transition to changing things up a bit. Inhale some heavy indica strains and let your body relax. Watch and learn from the king of variety and spice, David Bowie, and ‘Blue Jean’.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)
Jimi Hendrix, Bruce Lee, and Mark Twain resided in your tribe during their time on earth. I mean really? How cool is it to be a Sagittarius? Pretty f—ing cool if you ask me. I tell you this because I want you to remember how extraordinary you are and how life has given you a bit of a gift being born under such a beyond uber cool sign. People like you and people genuinely want to be around you. Embrace this characteristic and start thinking about how to perpetually always be in the groove of meeting new people. Inhale all that is in your reach and take cue from the master of cool.
CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)
The astrological omens suggest your current productivity cannot be measured by actual standards. Meaning, you might not appear to be doing anything, but you are actually running a race at a winning pace. Envision the hare competing against the tortoise and remember who crossed the finish line first. Embody the confidence of the tortoise and know you are on the path to greatness and it doesn’t matter if others think you are moving too slow. Keep a constant level of THC in your system with some Blackberry Kush and watch this little clip below for an inspirational boost.
AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)
The time is perfect for you to cultivate and propagate. I see nothing but fields of opportunity filled with new growth and new adventure. Take this very coveted place in time and run with it. Listen to your instincts and pay attention to your subconscious via dreams. You know what to do and how to get to where you want to be in life. The trick is having the confidence to allow yourself to be your own best judge and jury. You should probably inhale at least 1 doober a day and ponder your path. Also, listen and watch Linda Ronstadt and remember to let anyone or anything go if it isn’t good for you.
PISCES (February 19 – March 20)
Pisces, in general, your tribe has sensitivities that most of us don’t. It’s fair to say awareness and instinct follow and guide you like the sun and moon. Get ready for a shift as the astrological heavens indicate your uncanny sensitivities will be far enhanced for the next month or so. Kinda like John Cena’s bicep or Trump’s ego. Think all things positive and allow yourself the room and energy to embrace this very special time. Create some alone time and inhale 3 heavy indica doobers a day. And, for your weekly song dedication, watch and listen to the master of sensitivity, D’Angelo, “Untitled”. He is so sensitive he didn’t even need to title the song. Damn.
PUFF, PUFF, PASS and be kind.
Written by @StonedAndStuff