Whizzinator can help you pass a drug test for weed
Whizzinator can definitely help you pass a drug test for weed. Of course we’re talking about urine drug tests. Because a big rubber dong filled with fake piss is not going to do anything to help you pass that mouth swab drug test or blood drug test.
But if you’re facing a pee test this thing could be your best bet passing it if your system is filled to the brim with pot. It’ll also help you pass no matter what drug you’re into—LSD, cocaine, stuff doctors prescribe and drug companies push on ya, that shit you took at Burning Man. But we digress. Anyhow not only does this atificial penis work to pass a piss test, we’ll tell you exactly how to use it, it’s also had a really interesting history involving arrest, sports stars, fraud, conspiracy and lots of money.
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First we should tell ya that a dude from ALS products phone us up one day and said that we need to make sure people understand that their products Whizzinator touch and the female Whizzinator (of course they make a Whizzinator for females) are not to be used for any illegal purposes like passing drug tests. They are novelty items only. Got that? Good.
What is the Wizzinator?
So it’s basically a prosthetic penis that you can fill with synthetic urine, keep the urine warm and then squirt into a cup. They also make a female one for the ladies. Basically what we just described is how you’d use this thing if you were looking to pass a supervised drug test—one where someone is actually standing there watching you pee. If this is the case they will probably have you pull up your shirt and drop your drawers to make sure you’re not using one of these things to cheat.
You might just want to use one of these fake penis things for a non-supervised or semi-supervised drug test because it not only keeps your fake pee warm it also helps smuggling the stuff into the lab. Sometimes you can get a free batch of fake pee when you buy a Whizzinator kit so there’s a cost savings reason to purchase one as well.
Does the Whizzinator work?
Of course it works. Why wouldn’t a plastic dick work to expel fake urine? As long as there’s no holes you’re good to go. You might want to warm your fake urine before you put it in the thing. Your target temperature is right around 99 degrees—you know body temperature—aka the temp piss leaves the body. Use your microwave or something, man.
Some might say that it worked too well. And those people are called the United States Government. So many people used the thing to pass piss tests that in 2008 federal prosecutors won a 19-count indictment against the President and Vice President. They were found guilty of conspiring to defraud the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, fraud and selling drug paraphernalia. As a result the company’s assets were seized and its then president Gerald Wills was sentenced to 6 months in prison.
How to use the Wizinator
Using one of these things is pretty simple. First you’ll prep yer pee. If you got the Whizzy kit you’ll have to mix your powdered pee with tap water. If you’ve got clean pee or some other brand of laboratory urine that’s premixed you’ll just fill the syringe. You’ll need about 80cc of liquid.
Next make sure the clip valve is closed—you don’t want piss or fake pee squirting everything. Or maybe you do—there’s nothing wrong with that. Unscrew the cap on the vinyl bag and fill with the liquid. Squeeze out any air bubbles and then screw the cap back on.
To wear the Wizanator
Attach the heat pack to the vinyl bag on the side that’s opposite the temperature strip. This thing should keep the fake pee between 98 and 100 degrees for about 8 hours.You’ll want the temp strip side touching your skin. That’ll help maintain heat. Adjust the straps to secure.
To squirt pee
Once you open the clip vale gravity is going to do its thing and your fake dong’ll be peeing. You might want to pinch the thing at the end so it doesn’t just start squirting. That’s it.
Where can i buy a Whizzinator?
You can buy one of these fake dicks from our buds Tell ’em Stuff Stoners Like sent you. You can also find a Whizzinator for sale cheap mostly like anywhere online but not every site that’s selling a Whizzinator is legit. Why not buy one from the real makers?
Novelty Items? WTF do you mean by that?
So we were hoping you wouldn’t ask about that. It’s kinda gross. Because this thing can’t be sold as a device to help people pass a drug test it’s sold as a “novelty” aka sex toy. Some people are into R Kelly type shit and like playing with pee. We’re looking at you President Trump. Some people prefer fake pee instead. The guys who make and sell Quick Fix Plus urine Spectrum Labs say on their website that “regular urine contains impurities; our pretend pee mimics the look of regular urine and provides a healthy way to play.”
And some people actually like to drink the stuff because they think it’ll keep them young. It’s called urine therapy. It’s cool. Don’t worry about it. Perfectly normal because Spectrum labs points that “urine has been prescribed in India for over 5,000 years for health benefits, as written in the Shivambu Kalpa Vidhi.”
Of course we can’t have a this conversation without talking about that famous footballer who was caught with one of these things. Back in the summer of 2005 Onterio Smith was detained at the Minneapolis-Saint Paul International Airport. Why? He had some dried urine and a “mysterious” device aka a Wizzinater. Smith was later suspended for the entire season after a third violation of the NFL’s substance abuse policy.
Ever use one of these things? Let us know how it went in the comments section below, man…
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