Yeah, man, you read that right? Today we’re talking about the Whizzinator. Yep that famous fake penis is back. It’s back on the market and back at doing what it does best—helping stoners pass a urine drug test for weed. Not only does the the Whizzinator work, it’s had one hell of a history. We’re talking a history that involves crime, punishment, famous actors and athletes as well as one that involves creating and marketing a super realistic fake dong for some really odd uses. So sit back, smoke a joint and let us tell you about our favorite fake dick—which is now only available as a sex toy.
Before we begin, however, you should know that we spoke to the ALS products, the manufacturer of the Whizzinator and they told us that everybody needs to understand that the Whizzinator is not intended for any illegal purpose. Nor is it to be used to defeat lawfully administered drug tests. ALS PRODUCTS ARE NOT INTENDED FOR ANY ILLEGAL PURPOSES, FOLLOW ALL STATE AND FEDERAL LAWS WHILE USING ALS PRODUCTS. ALL PRODUCTS ARE INTENDED AS A NOVELTY ITEMS.
WTF is the Whizinator?
We all hate drug tests—especially the urine drug test. They’re a violation of privacy and rights. So to combat the rise in drug testing a company in California called Puck Technology came out with a way to pass a supervised piss tests—the Whizzinator. It’s basically a highly realistic, even to the touch, fake dick available in several colors that’s used to piss out synthetic urine at body-temperature. Don’t laugh, man. It worked. In fact it worked too well. In 2008 The government heard people were passing piss tests left and right using the Whizzinator and so they fucked everything up for the company. But we’ll get to that.
These things are mainly used to beat what are known as supervised and semi-supervised drug tests. These types of tests aren’t that common—especially when it comes to getting a job. That’s because they’re the most invasive. Basically what happens is that someone actually will stand there and watch you pee. That’s where this thing shines. Because it looks realistic, you know basically matching your skin color and all that, it really appears that you’re urinating. It’s not going to stand up to super scrutiny but if you act normal everything will appear normal. It’ll just look like you whipped it out and took a leak. However you’ll be releasing artificial urine instead of the real thing.
Sometimes the lab workers will ask test-takers to pull up their shirts and drop their pants all the way down. That way someone can specifically check to see if you’re packing any contraband urine. If that’s the case smuggling is not much of an option. So of course this thing won’t be of much help to you. To pass a piss test without one of these things you’ll have to detox. Basically take a pill or a drink that’ll mask the weed in your system or temporarily flush your system of marijuana metabolites. We’ve covered these strategies before. Your success depends on following the directions and purchasing the right product for the time period you have before you have to take your test. Some cleansers take a few days and some will work within the hour.
Does the Whizzinator work? Sure it does, why wouldn’t a fake dick work for weird kinky R Kelly type shit? Does the Whizzinator work for passing a ua test? That’s a better question. First off we’re not encouraging you to break any laws. We’re just your friendly neighborhood stoners trying to help you pass your dreaded ua test using a fake dick and some fake pee. But does the Whizzinator work? Hell yeah it does, man—especially for a non supervised or semi-supervised ua test. Couple the Whizzinator with some high quality synthetic urine and you’re good to go, dude. You can buy an original Whizzinator from our buds HERE. Tell ’em Stuff Stoners Like sent you.
Smuggling fake pee could be a problem. For some they can just pop a vial of fake urine in their purse or pocket and walk right into the testing place. For others who might have a more supervised test or need a way to smuggle their urine on their person the wizzinator could help. It comes with a strap that will attach across your chest. This makes smuggling a breeze. Once your urine is attached and along with it heating pads to keep it warm one of these urine belts is completely undetectable. Nobody will know you’re packing. Sure a fake penis to expel that fake pee could be overkill but you never know, right? So suffice to say you should either try and determine what the test will be like—will someone be watching or will someone just be listening—an then decide whether or not you need the fake dong.
Synthetic urine is the same stuff drug testing companies use to test their own drug testing equipment. So you know it’s good. The synthetic urine that we recommend is by Sub-Solution. It’s 100% effective and comes with a 200% money back guarantee. Anyhow if you’ve got a supervised ua test coming up then the craziest piece of drug paraphernalia ever—the Whizzinator might be what you need. It’s great for smuggling pee and it keeps the pee at body temperature. See that’s the trouble with using synthetic urine, the temperature is usually off. Some synthetic urine kits like Sub-Solution come with a powder that you mix in that heats the fake pee to the perfect temp. If you don’t need a smuggling device like a fake dick, you should try it.
Anyhow there are lots of knock off Whizzinator products out there—shit like the Urinator and this goofy-ass thing. You should avoid the Urinator though, dude and stick with the original Whizzinator because that shit works. Dudes wouldn’t be going to jail and the government wouldn’t be all pissy if it didn’t, right?
The Whizinator goes mainstream
The original Whizzinator got a ton of media coverage back in 2005. Celebrities Onterrio Smith, the running back of the Minnesota Vikings back then and the famous actor Tom Sizemore were both caught with a Whizzinator around this time—one at an airport and the other while trying to pass a urine test.
What’s funny is that the Whizzinator still makes the news. Some funny shit too, like this from Wikipedia “In August 2015, a Chicago man on probation in Indiana was allegedly caught using the device to cheat on a mandatory drug test. He had gone to the probation office for Cook County, Illinois to take the test, and according to a police report repeatedly looked over his shoulder while urinating for the test, which drew the suspicion of a probation officer.”
Note how the only reason dude was caught was that he was acting suspicious by looking over his shoulder repeatedly. Looking to pass a piss test? Buy the Whizzinator and don’t act suspicious and fuck up like that dude.
By 2008 the US Government was really pissed that hella people were using the Whizzinator to pass hella piss tests. So they took action which led to federal prosecutors winning a 19-count indictment against Puck Technology for fraud as well as for selling drug paraphernalia.
The court’s decision was that Gerald Wills and Robert Catalano, president and vice president of the Whizzinator company, had conspired to defraud the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. As a result, the company’s assets were seized, Wills was sentenced to 6 months in prison and Catalano got 3 years probation. Like we said the Whizzinator works or these dudes wouldn’t have done time for inventing and selling it.
Whizinator for sale again
Yep the Whizzinator for sale is back. However, like we mentioned above, it’s now marketed as a sex toy. And selling sex toys is completely legal. What people actually decide to do with their Whizzinator, like use it to pass a urine drug test, is up to them. The manufacturers are off the hook because they market the product as a novelty and not expressly to be used to beat a drug test. In fact laws are being written to combat things like the Whizinator and using fake urine to fool a drug test.
The Whizzinator comes in several colors to suit your skin color including; white, black, brown, latino and tan. No we didn’t just make that up. Yes, cut and pasted it from their web site. Like we said ,there are some unreliable products out there trying to compete with the original Whizzinator like the Urinator and Pissinator. Sure you could also concoct a homemade Whizzinator. Buy a fake cock and have fun. But we recommend the simple Whizzinator kit. No muss, no fuss, no buying dildos online.
Google Whizzinator for sale and then read all the reviews. After reading ’em you’ll know that this shit works. Actually if you’re looking for a laugh you should read a Whizzinator review or two, or ten. They’re hysterical. Go ahead, browse to Google, type in: Whizzinator for sale and hit return, we’ll wait. Back? Good. So what doesn’t work? We’ll tell ya. The cheap synthetic urine that comes with the Whizzinator kit. It’s called Golden Shower. It’s probably awesome for kinky sex acts like a golden shower. For passing a piss test? Not so much. So ditch the Golden Shower fake pee and get yourself some quality fake piss like Sub-Solution and you’re good.
A female version?
Oh yeah lady stoners, don’t feel left out, dude. There’s also a female Whizzinator available. We’ve not tried the Wizinator for women or have actually seen one in person, (or even a photo of one) but that’s not stopping us from giggling right now. (Whizzinator for women, Whizzinator for women say that 10 times fast.) So if you’re familiar with the female Whizzinator tell us how it performed, man?
So there you have it, stoner. That’s all we’ve got about the Whizzinator. And it was probably way more information about a fake penis than you’ve ever wanted to know in your life. Or maybe not. Who knows?
Got experience wielding a fake dick? Tried the Female Whizzinator? Then share your Whizzinator reviews in the comments below, dude.