Oh yeah, stoners love to cheat on tests…are you kidding us? No, man, we’re not talking about cheating on algebra or biology exams. Although, we imagine some stoners’ll cheat on those too. What we’re talking about is, of course, the dreaded…the most heinous…the drug test. Sure there are a lot of high-school-aged stoners out there who’d rather smoke weed and listen to Black Sabbath than study and go to class. And, well, those are pro’lly the same stoners who’ll be referring to this article for years to come.
Yep, the dreaded drug test comes in a variety of intrusive forms. Screeners can look for traces of THC in urine, blood, hair, whatever…it’s all forensic and shit…like a freakin’ episode of Special Homicidal Investigator Crime Scene Victim Unit or whatever the fuck that show is called. Undoubtedly, the most common screen for weed is the pee test, though. It’s cheap and well, let’s face it, not everyone’s got hair, but everyone’s gotta pee sometime. The pee test has to be one of the most un-cool, embarrassing and down-right violating tests in existence. Well, that and anything the fucking DMV throws at ya. Just a paper-thin, tiny, plastic cup is all that stands in the way of a stoner and their dream job, or staying outta jail, or keeping a gold medal in snowboarding…not to mention a full-bladder’s worth of urine.
Speaking of pee tests, there are tons of ways to cheat on ’em, dude. And, a few of them actually work so pay attention! You can swap your tainted-pee with Snapple Lemonade for one. We hear it works like a charm and it tastes great too. Some stoners prefer to go the exotic route of ingesting a lethal substance like a bit of bleach mixed with water. Sure it tastes horrible, but it’s not as bad as some of those weed salad dressings dispensaries are hawkin’ nowadays. Some stoners, we hear, put a bit of laundry detergent under a finger nail then piss on it to mix it into their urine. Those are the same stoners who make sure to dribble pee all over the cup and shake the hands of all the nurses and doctors on the way out. Watch out for them…they’re pro’lly looking to get food-service or Government jobs. We’ve heard tales of chuggin’ a few gallons of vinegar to burn out the THC or getting someone else’s piss like Tommy Chong’s pregnant sister’s. He got her to pee in a mason jar, it’s too bad Cheech drank it, however. (Note: drinking Chong’s pregnant sister’s pee will not help you pass a drug test).
In fact, a whole industry has emerged to help stoners pass piss tests with technology including drinks that’ll magically flush out your system to drinks that’ll mask “certain” chemicals. And, you can even buy a bag that straps to your leg, has a heater, and is filled with synthetic pee…which would be a great gag gift by the way.
Anyhow, stoners sure love to cheat on tests. Still wondering how the last three dudes who landed the job of ohhh…say…the President of the United States of America got that gig despite smoking pot? Yeah, we aren’t either…
Learn all the best ways how to pass a drug test.
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12 Responses to “Stoners Like Cheating on Tests”
It’s funny you can be a drunk, thats ok but smoke pot??!?! you cant work for us if you smoke pot!
haha i hear you on that id rather be stoned any day then be drunk. I mean you can get high and still do what you needed to do and when you get drunk your screwed.
i love weed
i mean really what would life be with out it
we do too, man…we do too.
cheating on the tests are really easy but wen u get caught it sucks.
Gracias for all these thought-provoking pieces. Thank you.
Please let me know if you’re looking for a writer for your blog. You have some really good articles and I think I would be a good asset.
I remember getting hired on by AT&T, had to piss test for it but smoked the night before. Tested with some other people and I was the only one hired. I was surprised as hell fuse I know my pee was loaded up… Too bad the Union sucked and I quite 4 years later.
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so can listerine , mouth strips and sweating can I pass the test tommrrw and I smoked yesterday its a swab not urine
If i smoked 3-4 bowls of regular low grade weed a day , being major sick and drinking at least 1 cup of hebal detox tea and 1 bottle of water a day for the past 4-5 days will i pass a drug test tomorrow?