Weekly Stoner Horoscope for December 18—24, 2017

STONER HOROSCOPE 12-18ARIES (March 21 – April 19)

We live in a time when it’s more than difficult to decipher the constant bullshit being pumped through your conscious mind from the media and the advertisers who fuel them. And, it is close to impossible to determine the meaning of the word ‘truth’. One thing is for sure, and the one thing you can count on is, “All truth passes through three stages: First it is ridiculed, second it is violently opposed and third it is accepted as being self-evident”. Remember this as the winter solstice approaches and your time and energy are focused on entertaining, enjoying and surviving family and friends. Now would be the perfect time for an edible to help find a balance as you journey between the truth and the bullshit. Also, take a listen to John Lennon’s, ‘Gimme Some Truth’. It was written forty years ago, but it could of been penned today.

TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)

Life is not easy for any of us earthlings, but being born under the sign of the bull is really not an easy road to walk. Historically, the bull is the second sign in the zodiac and has always represented and symbolized strength and sexuality. Sounds cool? Being strong and uber sexual? What could go wrong in your life? Everything, if you don’t understand how to harness and direct the powers bestowed upon you by the universe. The astrological omens suggest you have forgotten your primal nature and need a refresher course titled, “Who Am I and What do I Want”. Inhale some heavy indica to help tap into that old river of self realization and listen to Cheap Trick’s, “Surrender” throughout your week.

GEMINI (May 21- June 20)

The holidays can really harsh your mellow if you allow them to rule and crush your world. My advice to you this week is to NOT trip on anything from the past. Don’t allow a single past transgression or open wound impede your conscious thought for the next two weeks. If you allow yourself to get angry and or frustrated make sure it is about something in the present. You might find this task to be a difficult one…and that is the point. Relish in the process of trying not to think about the past and just be. Think of yourself as water, running down a mountain cutting through century old rocks and terrain. In order to get to your destination you must glide over all of it. Inhale some sativa hybrid strains this week to keep things light and amiable. And, watch the below for some being in the moment inspiration.

CANCER (June 21 – July 22)

Helen Schuman scribed a book titled ‘A Course in Miracles’ and it was published in 1976. Schuman claims she didn’t write the book but scribed the words down from an inner voice known to many of us as Jesus. Kinda like Mozart when he wrote music. Although, he didn’t think his scribbing came from God. I believe he thought his talent was his and his alone. No matter, the point of your horoscope and the heart of my message comes from Schuman’s body of work and can be summed up with this quote: “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” Sounds a little tricky dicky if you ask me, meaning it could take a lifetime to start to understand oneself. But I can see the merit in looking within to understand why your relationships are the way they are. So, in short, you need to relax more with heavy indica strains this week. Think about the boomerangs you might propel out to the universe in hopes of protecting yourself from being hurt by others. As you know the boomerang comes right back atcha and it could hit you directly in the head with its return action. Which leads me to your theme song this week, “Ba boom a rang rang”. Check out the below link and think about the deaf kids trying to speak and communicate with music. Wonder about how you could embrace more love and compassion.

LEO (July 23- August 22)

It’s time for celebration and appreciation for all that brings you joy and happiness. Think about all the things that bring a smile to your face and make sure you see images of these very things in your home. I want you to focus on the place you live and come up with a plan to make your area everything you dreamed it can be. Come up with a detailed strategy and construction schedule. Employ all family and friends to help you with building the castle you want to thrive and grow in. Now is the perfect time to get stoned with some juicy sativa hybrid like Sour Diesel and organize with a feng shui purpose. Take a listen to James and his “Clean for Christmas” funky tribute.

VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)

Have you ever heard of that old adage, ‘You can’t have your cake and eat it too.’? I actually don’t care for this adage, but it is appropriate for you this week. Because you CAN have your cake and eat it too. At least for a couple of weeks….so now is the time to inhale a doober in the morning and then a doober in the evening. After each doober ask yourself, ‘what is it that i want today’? Write it down, take steps towards your goal then in the evening enjoy another doober and relish in your productivity. Also watch Trey Songz and his version of eating cake and having it too. ‘Cake’.

LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)

The astrological omens suggest your intelligence quotient is peaking beyond belief right now. If you were a tectonic plate you would be smackdab within the Ring of Fire. And, if you need a geology lesson, “the ring of fire is a major area in the basin of the Pacific Ocean where a large number of earthquakes and volcanic eruptions occur.” So, suffice it to say your brain is on fire right now with bubbling activity and constant vibration. Embrace this time and remember everybody else is not necessarily on the same wavelength. Don’t disparage or look down on others as you rise to the top of the intellectual ranks. Stay humble and inhale lots of doobers. Doobers always help keep you humble and remind one of our part in the whole. Also, for a little holiday inspiration with some hutzpah, Johnny Cash, “Ring of Fire”.

SCORPIO (October 23- November 21)

Scorpio you often approach life with a “bring it on motherfucker” attitude. Gotta say, I do love this about you. But, it doesn’t always serve you well when dealing with others, and most of life is about dealing with others. So, for the next couple of weeks I want you to look at life from a different perspective. Instead of “bring it on motherfucker” why don’t you try a more subtle, demure tone that says, “I am a ray of sunshine ready to shine on the world”. I know it’s a stretch, but it will do your soul and body good. Think of it like a Jamba Juice antioxidant boost to help protect your karma. Add some herb to the mix with anything with the word purple in it and listen to, “We are the World” for some universal positivity.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)

We all procrastinate and try to leave the dirty, dung filled jobs and tasks for somebody else to do. You and those in your tribe have a special way when it comes to procrastinating and tossing the shit to somebody else to clean up. Meaning, you do this alot. And, the people who know you and love you also know you do this alot. So, the universe is giving you a gift in 2018. And, it looks like a box filled with opportunity for you to clean up your own shit and not toss it to others. I know this doesn’t sound glamorous or exciting, but it could be if you do it right. That which you will uncover through all the cleanup will be greater and more glamorous than you can imagine. Just make sure to inhale a stank skunk doober before attempting any task. Sometimes the menial, day-to-day chores are the ones that bring home the biggest lessons. Take a moment and enjoy some Rose Royce, “Carwash”. Even the most mundane jobs can be fun if you have the right tune to listen to.

CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)

Did you know Janis Joplin was a Capricorn? It’s true. She was born on January 19, 1943 in a small, industrial town in Texas called Port Arthur. Sounds like she was born in a living hell if you ask me. And, if you were to ask Janis I think she would describe it in a similar manner. One of the world’s most powerful and soulful singer/songwriter didn’t fit into her born environment. Janis hated high school and often talked about being bullied and ostracized by her classmates. One could reasonably argue she never worked through the pain of being bullied and died as a result of trying to medicate with heroin. I bring up Janis this week because I want you to pull and learn from her experiences. Think about how history may have played out differently if she had worked through the pain instead of trying to make it go away. Inhale some cannabis and let your mind lead the way towards acknowledging that which causes you pain and then move forward. And, of course, listen to some Janis for inspiration on how beauty is totally subjective and always in the eye of the beholder.

AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)

Looks like 2018 could be a monumental year for you. I see lots of opportunity on your horizon and now is the time to step up your game and compete with the people at the top of your trade. You are now in a prime position to catapult to new and higher ground with your confident nature paving the way. Don’t worry about taking the lead because this is what you were born to do. I hate to quote an over 50’s dating campaign, but this is your time, my brave and bold Water Bearer. Allow your gifts to flow freely to the world and populate the masses with your wise ways. Inhale a sativa heavy doober one morning and watch this link for some latent meanings and messages.

PISCES (February 19 – March 20)

Pisces, my fabulously fascinating fish, you are without a doubt, the most compassionate of the zodiac calendar. You can’t help it, your compassion rules you like Donald Trump rules Melania or for a positive analogy, like carrots rule Bugs Bunny. Be careful this holiday season and don’t let anybody shake you down. Those born under Pisces are often referred to as the link to the spirit world and float between the material and spiritual throughout your life. You are the sign of eternity, reincarnation, spiritual rebirth and this month will be like no other. Inhale lots of indica throughout the holidays and allow your feelings and intuitions make all and any decisions. Rarely are your instincts off and don’t let yourself forget this fact. Watch some Stevie for some intuitive inspiration.

PUFF, PUFF, PASS and be kind.
By: StonedAndStuff

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