Weekly Stoner Horoscope for February 12-18, 2018

Hero STONER HOROSCOPEARIES (March 21 – April 19)

The astrological omens indicate the next couple of weeks are a prime time to branch out from your standard daily norms. Be open to possible opportunities that would allow you to get in touch with your inner artist. We all have a creative side and we are all potential conduits. Inhale some heavy indica strains like Kosher Tangie and think about how to unleash your inner DaVinci or Basquiat. Which leads me to your weekly inspirational anthem, Velvet Underground, ‘I’m Waiting for the Man’.

TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)

I am of the belief that everything in life happens for a reason. Random meetings on the street with lovers and friends from the past are not random meetings. The universe is constantly presenting us with opportunities to work out our karmic destinies. And it looks like it’s your turn for the next couple of weeks. The planetary alignments suggest you may be presented with what may appear to just be a random meeting, but it will be anything but. Be open to the universe and the effort it is putting forth. Inhale some sativa dominant Blue Hawaiian and let your mind go to the sunny golden beaches of Hawaii. While there listen to Blondie and ‘One Way or Another’.

GEMINI (May 21- June 20)

Did you know the hermit crab grows through the molting process? It’s true, the crab shreds its exoskeleton and then it isn’t able to move until it regains muscle control and the new exoskeleton hardens up. He then eats the old exoskeleton which helps to recycle calcium and other minerals necessary for the new exoskeletons health and rigidity. Because hermit crabs are vulnerable during this time, they tend to bury underground. Why the hermit crab lesson, because I envision you as a hermit crab right now, going through the molting process. Think about incorporating the parts that have worked and discarding the ones that haven’t. Inhale some Gorilla Glue, the strongest strain on earth, and ruminate on all things molting. And, watch Gaga, she is the master of molting and becoming something new.

CANCER (June 21 – July 22)

Have you ever found a lost joint when looking in your purse for your keys. Or have you ever found a cartridge you thought was spent, but actually had ½ the remains intact when looking for your socks in your sock drawer? If the answer is yes, then you know what it feels like to find something you really covet when you least expect it. I foresee a similar act happening to you in the coming weeks. Don’t be surprised if you get hit in the head with a random joint or cartridge when you least expect it. Until such time, I would inhale one doober a day, maybe some Quasar, a sativa hybrid that will prime you for any unsuspected universal blessings. Also, I recommend listening and watching the unsuspected universal blessing that was Prince.

LEO (July 23- August 22)

Amelia Earhart once said, “The woman who can create her own job is the woman who will win fame and fortune.” She also said, “The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure, the process is its own reward.” Damn, now that is some wisdom. I want you to learn and embrace Amelia’s words to help propel you to where you need to be. Also, inhale some sativa dominant hybrids for an energetic boost. Try, some Sour Diesel and use Kiss for inspiration. Gene Simmons, love him or hate him, knew how to create his own job and did exactly what he set out to do in life.

VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)

Bill Murray, famous Virgo, once said, “The more relaxed you are, the better you are at everything: the better you are with your loved ones, the better you are with your enemies, the better you are at your job, the better you are with yourself.” Learn it, know it, live it. Now is the time for you to be more relaxed. Inhale all indica dominant herbs and listen to lots and lots of reggae. Start with some live Peter Tosh.

LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)

Libras are known for being easily sociable, idealistic and peace loving people who have a kind, caring and sympathetic nature. Librans like everybody else on the planet have a negative side to their personality as well, the most profound of being their indecisive and gullible nature. You know what I am talking about if you are or if you have loved a Libra. Point being, the next couple of weeks will present a heightened opportunity for you to capitalize on your idealistic and peace loving ways, but don’t forget how gullible you can be. In short, do your research on any new projects and don’t invest in anything that doesn’t have a positive yield. Inhale some concentrated sugars if you have a dab rig. And, for your listening pleasure link to one of my favorite Libra’s, Mr. John Lennon.

SCORPIO (October 23- November 21)

What is your life’s motto? Can you sum it up in a few words? Do you live by, “Live life to the fullest”, or “rest and rust”, or maybe you live by, “life is far too important to be taken seriously”? Define yourself this week with a motto and envision this motto tattooed on your forehead for all to see. Pick a lane Scorpio and then don’t venture too far from it . And, most of all don’t be embarrassed by what you believe. This is your life and you can do with it what you want. Inhale whatever you want this week and make sure to be clear about who you are. Listen to Mick when he says, “She’s So Cold.”

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)

Necessity is the mother of invention. Say this proverb to yourself ten times and let it sink into your subconscious mind. Let these words float to the innermost part of your brain and then release the floodgates to your imagination. The next couple of weeks are a very creative and innovative time for you. Think about all the materials you have at hand and then think about what you really need from this life. Inhale sativa in the morning to get your juices flowing then let your body go with some indica in the evening. Also, listen to the “Bare Necessities.”

CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)

Capricorn, my very brave and dextrous goat you are in store for some epic, unprecedented experiences that will rock your ever so chaotic patterns of the past. I want you to open your mind and remain in the moment every moment this week. Don’t think about what happened yesterday, don’t think about what you have to do tomorrow, only focus on breathing and being in the now. Experience your day from beginning to end as if it was your job to focus on being in the moment. Inhale a couple of indica joints a day to keep yourself balanced and even. Plug into Van Halen’s, “Right Now”, for a little inspiring boost. I prefer “Poundcake” off this album, but it wasn’t quite appropriate.

AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)

Do you feel stuck? Personally, financially, creatively? Looks like you might be in many different conundrums and can’t quite find your way clear of any of them. Think about what might be holding you back from achieving all that you want to accomplish in this life. Take an edible and a day to ruminate on what isn’t working in your life then take steps to remove it. Just let that which does not work float away like a child’s balloon in the wind. And use the Temptations as inspiration. ‘Papa was a Rolling Stone’.

PISCES (February 19 – March 20)

It’s a bit early for Spring cleaning according to the groundhog, but for you it’s the optimum time to do a deep cleanse, and I mean deep. Get rid of all things you have not worn or used in the last year. I have a feeling you will be surprised by how many unnecessary objects are in your house. Take this deep cleanse to your emotional house as well. Now is the time to banish all negative baggage and start anew. Inhale heavy indica strains and use Rose Royce and ‘Carwash’ to inspire.

PUFF, PUFF, PASS and be kind.

Leave a Reply