Weekly Stoner Horoscope February 19-25, 2018

hero high horoscopeARIES (March 21 – April 19)

Leonardo di ser Piero da Vinci was an Italian polymath, painter, sculptor, architect, musician, mathematician, engineer, inventor, anatomist, geologist, cartographer, botanist, and writer. Are you kidding me? How many more things can one person be? Da Vinci is undoubtedly considered to be one of the greatest painters of all time and perhaps the most diversely talented person ever to have lived.

His genius, perhaps more than that of any other figure, epitomized the Renaissance humanist ideal. Leo was a fellow Aries and I want you to use him as your muse. Do a little research on da Vinci and the tattoos he left on history and art. You too could contribute on da Vinci’s scale and you too could make an astronomical contribution to mankind. Inhale many, many indica dominant doobers and think all things Italian. Use another influential Italian artist, Frank Zappa and his masterpiece ‘Tities and Beer’.

TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)

Did you know that Malcolm X was a Taurus? It’s true. Wikipedia tells us so, it also tells us Malcolm was an African-American Muslim minister and a human rights activist. To his admirers he was a courageous advocate for the rights of blacks, a man who indicted white America in the harshest terms for its crimes against black Americans; detractors accused him of preaching racism and violence. He has been called one of the greatest and most influential African Americans in history. One cannot deny he was an influential being who affected a wide range of people. Think all things Malcolm and take cue from his time here on earth. Much can be learned from such an individual and you are in the prime place in time to absorb and grow from Malcolm’s teachings. Inhale all things indica and relax for god’s sake. Take a break and listen to some Billie Holiday and ‘Summertime’. Remember it’s Black History month and we should all pay tribute.

GEMINI (May 21- June 20)

Sometimes you agree with others who have a stronger, more prominent voice just because it’s easier. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out the less one confronts and debates the less drama one encounters. However, now is NOT the time for you to be silent to keep the peace. It’s okay to put volume to your voice because your truth is solid and shouldn’t be dismissed or disregarded. Inhale some BubbleGum Kush and remember life ain’t nothing but a love parade.

CANCER (June 21 – July 22)

Einstein once said, “Imagination is more important than knowledge, for knowledge is limited, but imagination encircles the world.” Think about Einstein’s statement, he was a pretty smart guy and knew what he was talking about when it came to the human mind. You may not know everything, but your imagination is limitless. Meaning, I think the next 6 months will show you a glimpse of what will be. Hold tight my timeless turtle, your journey is just about to begin. Inhale lots of indica hybrids and listen to lots of rock and roll. You are more powerful than you realize. Start in the 70’s with Stevie Miller and “Fly Like an Eagle”.

LEO (July 23- August 22)

Julia Childs, fellow Leo, stated, “Once you have mastered a technique, you hardly need look at a recipe again and can take off on your own.” She was referring to the art of gastronomics, but her statement could be used as a life coaching declaration. All you need in life Leo is to have the confidence to know when you have mastered a technique and then take that technique whatever direction it needs to go. The next couple of weeks will prove to be the opportune time for you to benefit from doing what you do best, taking the lead and showing the rest of us where to go. Rock on my ferocious and protective lion. Inhale lots of indica to relax and maintain. Listen to Little Richard for some inspiration on doing your own thing.

VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)

Virgo I do love the way you love to keep things neat and orderly. I have an affection for those who like their physical world organized and in place. However, sometimes you can become fixated and lose sight of the forest through the trees. The next couple of weeks might be a time for you to work through that which is currently fixating you. Inhale a doober everyday around 4:20 and remember life is what happens when you are busy making plans. Don’t be like another famous Virgo, Michael Jackson, and lose sight of what truly is important. It always comes back to family and you boo. You can’t find happiness in fame and wealth, you gotta have that inside to be really successful.

LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)

Oscar Wilde, fellow Libra, once said, ‘Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead’. OMG, can you picture anything more depressing than a sunless garden with dead flowers? The next couple of weeks will be a prime opportunity for you to fill your garden with light and life keeping love in your heart for months and years to come. Inhale some Strawberry Cough in the morning and ruminate on ways to incorporate more love into your heart. Also listen to some Erasure for inspiration to let go on the ‘Chains of Love’.

SCORPIO (October 23- November 21)

Theodore Roosevelt, fellow Scorpio, once said, “To announce that there must be no criticism of the president… is morally treasonable to the American public.” Please take this statement to heart and think about what it means to you and how you could be the president and your loved one could be the American public. Inhale 2 doobers a day and remember just because somebody says something critical is doesn’t mean they don’t love you. Listen to Joan Jett and Crimson and Clover. The song has nothing to do with Roosevelt’s statement, but it is a good tune nonetheless. And Joan Jett is pretty fucking cool.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)

Are you familiar with the Bizarro World? In case you need a refresher on the history of the Bizarro World I looked it up for you. Wikipedia tells us, The Bizarro World (also known as htraE, which is “Earth” spelled backwards) is a fictional planet appearing in American comic books published by DC comics. Introduced in the early 1960s, htraE is a cube-shaped planet, home to Bizarro and companions, all of whom were initially Bizarro versions of Superman, Lois Lane and their children and, later, other Bizarros including Batzarro, the World’s Worst Detective. In popular culture “Bizarro World” has come to mean a situation or setting which is weirdly inverted or opposite to expectations. Your homework for the next week or two is to create your own Bizarro World and embrace the complete opposite of everything you know. Inhale some Blueberry Muffin or any other heavy indica herb and think about what life would be like if you had an alter ego? What is your bizarro world job, wife, home look like? Listen to Wesley Willis and his song, ‘I Whooped Superman’s Ass’.

CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)

Ellen Degeneres once said, “Find out who you are and be that person. That’s what your soul was put on this Earth to be. Find that truth, live that truth and everything else will come.” I want you to ruminate on her words and try to correlate her wisdom with what you are going through now. The truth will set you free and liberate you in ways you may have forgot were possible. Inhale some Strawberry Cough or any other sativa hybrid and let your mind go. Also, integrate a little Melissa Etheridge into your playlist.

AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)

Now is the perfect time for you to rebrand or remake yourself. Think like Madonna, Gaga, or Bowie. All three individuals have continually spawned new personas and narratives through time. Now is the time for you to do the same. The planets are aligned for you to receive maximum reward by shedding the old you and creating the new you. Have fun and don’t hold back. Inhale a sativa dominant doober in the morning and an indica dominant doober in the evening. Let ‘The Jean Genie’ help you let yourself go.

PISCES (February 19 – March 20)

The planetary alignments suggest now is a good time for you to lead the march you always wanted to lead and create the life you always wanted to create. First you gotta let go of all those silly expectations held by the people who love you. They love you, but don’t know you like you know you. You are your own best guide and director, nobody else. Embark on this time and enjoy the adventure. Think rollercoaster rides and how much fun they are…life is just like a rollercoaster ride. Inhale indica heavy vape this week and remember it’s your birthday month. You must celebrate you and all that you do. Use a little Jimi to start your day, “Happy Birthday”!

PUFF, PUFF, PASS and be kind.

Post by: @StonedandStuff
Stoned and Stuff is a writer, project manager and mother of 2 boys living in California. She his a frequent contributor to SSL.

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