Weekly Stoner Horoscope for February 26-March 4, 2018

TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)

An interesting time is setting upon you and the next couple of weeks should be used to indulge and envelope yourself in all that makes you feel good. If you want a chocolate cake and a chili cheese Frito boat, have that cake and boat with no regrets. If your pleasure is not on the culinary side and more the physical side then do the same with whatever it is that again, makes you feel good. It’s all about you feeling good for awhile. Inhale some Girl Scout Cookies and make a list of all your favorite things. Then make absolutely sure to incorporate at least three of them into your daily routine. Plus, add a little INXS to your playlist.

GEMINI (May 21- June 20)

The next couple of weeks should be filled with intuition and insight. You often imagine and think about what you could do in life, however, these thoughts and feelings usually dissipate and fade. It happens to everybody, seldom do we have the gumption to follow through on ideas that would force a change. Now is the time when you will be empowered in more ways than one and the path to completing and succeeding with your new ideas will be clear and evident. Inhale lots of indica dominant doobers, like Grandaddy Purple, and get ready for greatness. Your song of the week is, ‘Survivor’, by none other than Destiny’s Child.

CANCER (June 21 – July 22)

Wilma Rudolph, was acclaimed the fastest woman in the world in the 1960s and became the first American woman, and the first African American woman, to win three gold medals in a single Olympic Games. She once said, “Winning is great, sure, but if you are really going to do something in life, the secret is learning how to lose. Nobody goes undefeated all the time. If you can pick up after a crushing defeat, and go on to win again, you are going to be a champion someday.” Keep this in mind for the next couple of weeks. Failure and success are really only states of mind and neither should rule your world. Inhale lots, and lots of Indica, anything with the word Kush in its name should do the trick. And, listen to Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers sing, ‘I Won’t Back Down’.

LEO (July 23- August 22)

Julia Childs, fellow Leo, stated, “Once you have mastered a technique, you hardly need look at a recipe again and can take off on your own.” She was referring to the art of gastronomics, but her statement could be used as a life coaching declaration. All you need in life Leo is to have the confidence to know when you have mastered a technique and then take that technique whatever direction it needs to go. The next couple of weeks will prove to be the opportune time for you to benefit from doing what you do best, taking the lead and showing the rest of us where to go. Rock on my ferocious and protective lion. Inhale lots of indica to relax and maintain. Listen to Little Richard for some inspiration on doing your own thing.

VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)

I have a nose ring. And, I often lose my nose rings. They easily fall out and are super duper tiny. So, it’s really difficult to find these minute nose jewels after they fall out. But, I usually find them. And, even when I think I lose one for good it will show up months later in a place I would have never looked for it. My point is you could have a similar experience with something that is special to you. Inhale some sativa hybrid strains this week for an energetic, creative burst. Don’t fret if you lose something, it should boomerang right back to you. Enjoy a little Otis at Monterey and remember to be patient with everything you do.

LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)

Maya Angelou once wrote, “I am convinced that most people do not grow up…We marry and dare to have children and call that growing up. I think what we do is mostly grow old. We carry accumulation of years in our bodies, and on our faces, but generally our real selves, the children inside, are innocent and shy as magnolias.” Inhale some heavy indica herb this week and ruminate on Dr. Angelou’s observation. Now is a perfect time for you to learn, grow and master your own self exploration. Use the Stones as your muse this week, and this recent live version of ‘You Can’t Always Get What you Want’.

SCORPIO (October 23- November 21)

The astrological omens suggest you may be experiencing floods of euphoria that will come from all different directions. Focus on laughing more, dancing more and banging more. Think of the next four weeks as your time to complete a crucial task. And, the task is to indulge and master all three categories of pleasure.Your physical, emotional, and spiritual worlds will all thank you next month. Inhale indica, indica, and more indica to relax your body and set the mood. Also, use a little Ozzy and Randy Rhodes to set the tone for your journey.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)

It’s been a tumultuous couple of months for you and those in your tribe. To say you have been in the shit would be a gross understatement. Don’t fret, we learn much more from the hard times than the easy, happy go lucky times. And, just like the good times, the really hard times are only temporary. So, try not to worry so much and have faith in the universe in all its glory and goodness. Everything is going to be ok and your financial house will return to the state it once was. Inhale lots of indica dominant doobers and relax. Listen to Queen and Bowie for some coping tools.

CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)

Amalgamation. Do you know the definition? In case you forgot it is the process of combining or uniting multiple entities into one form. For example, opera is an amalgamation of singing, acting, and stagecraft. The next couple of weeks are a perfect time for you to express yourself by utilizing the art of amalgamation. Inhale anything with the word purple and/or kush in it. Then meditate and ruminate on how you can combine and unite different sections and categories of your life into one big happy family. Listen to Neil Diamond and ‘Forever in Blue Jeans’ for some inspiration.

AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)

Lao Tzu, was an ancient Chinese philosopher and writer. He is known as the reputed author of the Tao Te Ching, the founder of philosophical Taoism, and a deity in religious Taoism and traditional Chinese religions. He said, “I have just three things to teach: simplicity, patience, compassion. These three are your greatest treasures.” Please meditate on Lao’s teaching and embrace the treasures he would like to give to you. Inhale some Grandaddy Purple and listen to some George Harrison, another fan of simplicity, patience and compassion.

PISCES (February 19 – March 20)

Timbaland, is an American record producer, rapper, singer, songwriter and DJ. Timbaland’s first full credit production work was in 1996 on Ginuwine…the Bachelor for R&B singer Ginuwine. After further work on Aaliyah’s 1996 album One in a Million and Missy Elliott’s 1997 album Supa Dupa Fly, Timbaland became a prominent producer for R&B and hip hop artists. This guy, who has touched the music world in more ways than one, and is probably considered one of the coolest producers in the world once said, “I listen to a lot of ’80s stuff, like ‘Owner of a Lonely Heart,’ by the group Yes. And Mr. Mister’s ‘Broken Wings.’” I want you to be like Timbaland and reach to the 80’s for inspiration. The 80’s gave us some great fucking music and should be celebrated. This week inhale some Blueberry Muffin and listen to all that came from the decade of excess and bling. You can start with Dexy’s Midnight Runners and ‘Come on Eileen’, classic 80’s. And, then you might want to move to OMD and ‘So in Love’. I could go on forever, but will stop at two just for you boo.

PUFF, PUFF, PASS and be kind.

Post by: @StonedandStuff
Stoned and Stuff is a writer, project manager and mother of 2 boys living in California. She his a frequent contributor to SSL.