STUFF STONERS LIKE

Stoners Like Grocery Shopping

Much like any other outing stoners might experience while stoned, grocery shopping is an adventure. Remember that scene in The Wizard of Oz where everything is all black and white and shit and then all of a sudden everything turns to color right as Dorothy flings open the door to Oz and Pink Floyd’s “Money“ starts playing? Well, uh…the Pink Floyd soundtrack is optional but, that scene plays out each and every time a stoner walks in to the produce section at Safeway.

To a stoner, the produce department is a feast for the eyes. It’s filled with wild shapes and crazy textures and bright jewels of every color…like that fucking obnoxious Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat that Jesus dude wore in that pansy play.

Anyhow, the funny thing about stoners shopping for food is that they have an amazing knack for finding food that contains no food. Want some proof? Okay, see the dude in the sunglasses and the hoodie loitering in the cereal isle? He’s not smiling at all the low prices…he’s stoned, man. Now, go look in his shopping cart. It’s filled with things like Cap’n Chrunchula, Cheesey Poofs, FunOnions and Chocotacos and shit…all of which contain absolutely no food. See what I mean?

Very quickly grocery shopping morphs into a munchy run with a shopping cart and endless possibilities. Everything suddenly looks delicious…especially things within close proximity. Within no time at all after promenading up and down a few isles, stoners find their cart completely filled with a bunch of awkward ingredients that a chef at a bad Chinese restaurant couldn’t even combine into a stir fry.

Sure it was all fun and games at the store with all the flashing lights and colorful displays and the ice cream isle and stuff, but then they get home…start to unpack the groceries and unlike a memorable adventure they have virtually no memory of the event…let alone remember why they thought picking up a few bags of Skittles, Beer Nuts, Joe Perry’s Hot Sauce (Aerosmith sucks) Rock Your World Boneyard Brew, and a lighter shaped like a gorilla with flashing red eyes was a good idea?

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View Comments

ben says:

August 25, 2009 at 10:49 am

grocery sshopping with my mom is the best. she buys whatever i want(as long as its generic)
Baschive says:

November 23, 2009 at 12:28 pm

yeah when i hav 5 to 10 bucks ill go in and get so much food but will only last me a few minutes due to the munchies
mindstate1 says:

January 26, 2012 at 12:43 am

one time i had so many munchies on the belt, a fuckin lady laughed like a miss krobapple ha and then apologized.. i was so fucking medicated i was totally indifferent and had to chuckle at the obvious culinary appetite of a dankhead. junk food needs love too, holmes..
31jetjet says:

May 16, 2014 at 6:26 pm

It's true. I go grocery shopping at least five times a week. I like to make several little purchases as opposed to one big purchase